I’m not exactly sure what’s happening, but I’m feeling a shift.

I’m feeling like my electrons are shifting into a sideways direction, and I’m hearing the microscopic scratch on their quantum records.

I’m still dreaming, and it’s still extraordinary.  My focus has changed.  It’s diverted.  It’s becoming more clear.  You know how you can recall your dreams, and when it seemed so seamless in your sleep, suddenly you can not explain how it was that you were in a completely different setting, suddenly, you were someone else, somewhere else, or something else entirely?  That’s how it is.

It’s a shift in energy, a shift in direction…

And this new direction is strange.  And beautiful.  And unfamiliar.  And a little scary.  But I like scary.

I refuse to be daunted by change.  Change is good.  It is perfect.  It drives growth.

Take my hand and walk with me in this shift.  Let me hold your pinkie while I lead you ahead, because knowing you’re right behind me gives me confidence in my steps.

And in this future, I see myself; it is not clear, but it is bright.

I’d rather not leave you behind.  Please, come with me.

My mom just sent out an email, thanking everyone for their support and encouragement while she earned her degree.  She ended up getting a double major in marketing and business management.  She just finished her degree this week.  (I’m so proud of you, Mom!)

I’m *really* proud of her– she went back to college after more than two decades of being away from school.

I remember her dad telling me that not going to college right out of high school would make it impossible for me to go back to school again.  He made it sound like I was making the worst decision of my life to not go to college right away.

At this time in my life, I know he was completely wrong about that.  I knew that I wasn’t ready for college– neither financially nor in maturity.  I needed to experience life for what it is; I needed to know what it felt like to be laid off and to do whatever it was that I settled into without a formal education.  I needed the life experience to realize that what I want to do with my life is something more– something that I couldn’t just walk in off the street and manage to score.

(more…)

I bless myself.
I surround myself
with amazing, kind and beautiful people.
I surround myself
with gifts and laughter and love.
I surround myself
with people I want to be like.
I surround myself
with things that I am thankful for.
I am filled
with hope, love, motivation, and joy.
I am alive.

“You act like you’re so much better than everyone else.  Quit acting like you’re perfect, because you’re not.”

I keep hearing this message, and for the longest time I couldn’t figure out what it meant to me, because I most definitely never would hope or claim to be perfect.  Of course I make mistakes, I embrace them– they are the greatest tools for learning, and I would not begin to believe any time soon that I’ve learned all there is to learn from this life.

I am happy with myself and my mistakes and where I’m at right now, because I have faith that everything happens perfectly, and that there is nothing in my life I can’t take full responsibility for.  Of course I’m not perfect or better than you.  So why is it that I continued to hear this message from multiple people?  

I took heed, and I listened, but for a while I didn’t make the connection as to why people would say I presented myself that way, when I wasn’t able to support that attitude in the first place.  Was there some sort of truth in this?

This weekend I recalled the radio talk show I listened to one morning a while back… it was the show where people called and talked about getting into arguments with others who refused to fight back.  The one more passionate fighter would get completely riled up when the person they were trying to fight with would do absolutely nothing, would not respond, would not raise their voice, or submit into any sort of uncivilized discourse at all. 

(more…)

Apparently, I know nothing about myself. It’s so strange, because at twenty-six years old, I had thought I knew me.  Apparently, as time and circumstances move forward, I realize that I’m not so black and white.  I’ve got a lot of gray and a lot of “depends on the situations” within me. When I try to describe myself today, the description is of a completely foreign person from whom I was yesterday.  I’m still me, but there’s a lot less absolutes… like “I never” or “I always.”I’ve always said that it’s in the uncomfortable situations where who we truly are ultimately shines through.  I’m not so sure I always like me.  I’m not so sure that my behavior is predictable, even though I’m the person who is doing the behaving.  I used to feel so much more confident that I would know how to handle situations and experiences.  Now, I think that while I have the tools necessary to come out okay, I don’t necessarily understand how to do it right the first time.  And that’s okay, that’s acceptable.  Mistakes only make us better people.  The real struggle is making sure that I always learn from them and continue to forgive myself for them once I’ve experienced it.  With that, it’s imperative that I remember to forgive the people who are going along this life with me… we all are on this path together, trying to figure out what our lesson is… often we don’t realize our impact until after the fact. It’s snowing again.  I don’t know if I can take much more snow.  We’ve got five foot piles of dirty, gray snow on the ground everywhere.  I was dreaming of a white Christmas, and instead I’ve got gray… I suppose it’s only another reminder that sometimes there are no rights and wrongs… and that sometimes we just have to do the best we can with what we’ve got… and do better the next time.  

It never ceases to amaze me how much I continue to learn about myself.

Every experience is a new opportunity to test who I am; I get to practice being the very person I set out to be.

It’s throughout the super stressful experiences, though, when I have less sense of self and less sense of control over how I react, that proves to me that I am exactly who I say I am.

And that, my friends, is a beautiful feeling.

I think that a lot of success has to do with your faith in yourself or your cause.

Faith is the unconditional confidence that you’re on the right path.  Pure faith like that is difficult to come by, and those religious leaders who dedicate their lives to leading other people in their own faiths have perhaps the most challenging job of all.  People who guide other people’s faiths must undoubtedly realize the magnamity of their responsibility for not misleading or misguiding their people.  Perhaps it is this sort of power that corrupts certain spiritual leaders; it is this sort of control that can lead otherwise good people into the depths of deception and lies.  That’s not what this blog is about, but it is that very pure, blind faith that is exactly what we must rely upon to become successful.

Pure faith in our cause.

Once, there was a skeezy life insurance salesman, Bill J.  He ran the life insurance agency I once worked for.  His philosophy was to get the individual sales agents pumped up enough to bust their asses for him, selling life insurance to union workers and creating more sales agents who would take over once the previous generation had burned out.  Bill would preach from his silver-lined pulpit, or his beautifully polished cherry wood desk.  He would drive expensive cars, and throw parties at his million dollar home.  He would preach to us that we, too, could have ANYTHING we wanted.  Anything at all was achievable and within our grasp, but we just had to remember one thing: never, ever, ever act out of fear.  The most successful agents were ones who had the most charisma, and who could mimic the expression of pure faith– faith in the need for life insurance, on to the new agents and clients.   The most successful agents were the ones who could instill the fear of death in the clients well enough to suppose they NEED life insurance, dishing out the very things that we were specifically taught that we ought not do.   He was teaching us to be one thing, never acting out of fear, and then to say another, instilling fear within the hearts of the people giving you their money.  That’s what charisma is, ultimately, after all, don’t you think?

Fortunately, there was one thing I took from my experience under the guidance of this man, and that was to not act out of fear.  What is this fear?  And what is the opposite of it?  To not act out of fear is to act out of faith.  It is the faith that you know the right path.  Faith that you will act and it will be okay as it is, and if it’s not, you can figure out what you did wrong and in the future fix it.  I learned that when you do not act out of fear, you have nothing to worry about.  You make more level-headed decisions, and you deny anything the opportunity to throw doubt into your mind regarding you capability of working through the situation reasonably and confidently.

Sometimes I catch myself behaving out of fear.  One of my most common fearful behaviors is settling on the roommates I choose to share my life with.  What a completely inappropriate area to settle!  These are the people I live with for Pete’s sake! Sometimes I make poor decisions when I act out of fear.  Perhaps I’m not the only person who does this??

To be successful, one must have blind faith that what you do is going to be okay, no matter what.  To be confident in your abilities is to take appropriate risks and to not be knocked down from a poor decision that was made out of fear.  To be confident in your steps forward is a beautiful thing.  Have faith in your SELF.  You cannot succeed without this.

I think the whole point I’m getting at here, is that faith is a powerful experience.  You can essentially convince anyone of anything if they have faith that what you’re telling them is true.  If you have faith in yourself, in your own abilities, you can convince yourself of anything.  And when you truly believe that you can have anything you want, you will accomplish it, because there is nothing in your way to prevent you from doing so.

Now: Today I create a woman filled with strength and dignity.  I create a woman with charisma and charm.  She is capable of working through any conflict, and challenge, and any hardship.  She is filled with love and longing. Earlier today:Today I create a woman who is vibrant and energetic.  She is active, healthy, and loves her beautiful body.  She makes healthy decisions, including avoiding addictive or unhealthy behaviors, getting enough physical activity, and putting healthy foods into her body.  She thinks healthy thoughts about her body, focusing her creative energies on things that feel good and make her a happier person.  She is someone whom other people want to be around, and when they’re around her, they can’t help but to love her.  She lives an abundant life, filled with amazing experiences and glorious memories.  She creates memories everywhere she goes.  Today I create a woman with unending possibilities, magnificent hopes, dreams, and goals, and an insatiable hunger for joy and learning.  She is eagerly anticipating every waking moment of her life. A few days ago:Today I create a woman who is powerful, kind, and adventurous.  She is calm, conscientious, considerate, and creative.  She can have anything that her heart desires, and all that her heart desires is good.  She is healthy, happy, and in control of her life and creative processes.  She is well-loved, loving, and genuine.  She is honest, friendly, and people enjoy being around her. Today I create a woman with great hopes and dreams, a positive attitude, and an enjoyable demeanor. People can’t help but to fall in love with her.  Everywhere she turns, she hears kind words and gets smiles from everyone she sees.  She is radiant and joyful.  She is someone that I can’t resist! A few weeks ago:I fell in love with her again today, just like I’ve done a thousand times before.  She’s an amazing creature, filled with awe and joy, who seems to always see the silver lining in every experience, no matter how difficult.  She’s calm, capable and confident, and she knows that the path she takes is divinely-led.  She is someone that everyone wants to be around, and when she has to go, no one wants her to leave.  She is kind, compassionate, and considerate, and you can tell that she is constantly appreciating the people around her, no matter what role they play.  I fell in love with her again today, exactly as I’ve done before, because she’s beautiful, brilliant and bright, and no other woman can quite compare. She follows her dreams and steadily plugs away at her path, never skipping a beat, never stopping to rest.  She is persistent and inspiring. A few days and a few weeks ago:today I create a happy, healthy, confident woman who is comfortable being alone, secure in her relationships, wise in her decision making process, and enjoyable to be around.  she is happy taking care of herself first, calm and satisfied with all of the wonderful things that surround her. she is loved, embraced, and adores.  she is filled with awe, joy, and charm. she is capable of earning A’s in her classes, capable of retaining whatever information she needs to do well on the final, and capable of making healthy decisions for herself and her life. she is confident, kind, considerate, and calm. she is clear-headed and confident. many people around her see her as an angel and trust her to be able to take care of herself. she is physically healthy, emotionally healthy, spiritually healthy, and intellectually healthy.  she is filled with joy and love.  she is loved.  she is secure in her relationships.  she is fruitful in her efforts.  she is excited about life and the beautiful things it has to offer.  she is excited about her creative skills and processes. she has huge hopes and dreams.

Tonight I put on my Express size 5/6 jeans again.  I didn’t have to struggle, suck it in, or lay down to get them buttoned!

I never dreamed I would be able slide into these again. Since February, I’ve lost twenty pounds.  That’s a lot, considering that I wasn’t fat to begin with.  However, those twenty pounds were necessary, because now I definitely look better, feel healthier, and am more comfortable with my body.

Want to know my secret? Five simple words:  “I love my beautiful body.”

Think about it!  A person who loves their body will take care of it.  If you were to body-sit for a loved one’s body, wouldn’t you do everything it needs, to make sure you return it happy and healthy?  You’d feed it the most nutrient-rich, yummy food you could find, and you’d give it lots of exercise, and you’d never say things like, “You’re so fat,” or “God, if you could just lose fifteen pounds…” Hell no you wouldn’t say that!!  If you were body-sitting, you would be kind and gentle, giving it everything it needed and telling it good things!

So, why is it that we don’t care for our bodies the way we know we need to?

I believe it’s has everything to do with how we think of our bodies. Instead of loving them, we put negative energy into our selves, wishing we could just lose (fill in the flaw)… or saying we’re not good enough until (fill in the ‘what am I lacking’)… Guess what!  Thoughts like that affect our bodies.

You are what you think! And by changing the way I thought, I was able to bring forth to the outside of my body what it was that I thought from the inside of it.  I wrote it in soap crayon on the tiles in my shower.  I wrote it on my mirrors.  Every time I turned the clasp on my necklace, I whispered, “I love my beautiful body.”

Eventually, I began to believe that.  The power of your thoughts is everything.  In order to break habitual thinking, or any habit for that matter, you must change that thought you express into something that is contradictory to what you have previously thought.  For instance, when I quit smoking, I changed my self-perception into, “I am not a cigarette smoker.”

At first it was a struggle.  “I love my beautiful body” conflicted with the original self image I had; it conflicted with the, I’m fats or I’m not pretty enoughs.  That confliction is why I needed the reminders to change my thinking through out my day.  I needed the necklace clasps and the soap crayons.

If you want to be beautiful from the outside, you must express beautiful things from the inside.  Do not criticize your body; love it and care for it.  Nurture it.

If you take care of your SELF, then everything else just falls into place.

It seems like just yesterday I was turning twenty-one.  Just yesterday, but eons and eons ago.  Different worlds, different thoughts, different minds, different priorities.

I can’t believe how far I’ve come…I’ve made big decisions and I’ve made big mistakes.  But everything I’ve done has made me who I am right this minute. And thank goddess for that. I cannot believe the state of joy I’m experiencing.  I have a quote for you: “Joy is how the universe reminds you that you’re alive,” (Marc Rosenbush). I never thought I’d fall in love like this.  I never thought I’d ever be this happy and fulfilled.  I never thought I’d be this calm and complete… It is what you make of it.   Of course, I’m still allowed to feel sad or hormonal or anxious sometimes, but now I’m never down for long.

What an amazing experience this life is… to finally be comfortable in my own skin.  What an amazing difference discovering the Law of Attraction has made for me…  I’m a completely changed woman.  Can you tell?

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