Into The Rabbit Hole

Raaaaaarr!

How are you holding up, Ash?

Well… Aside from everything being completely fucked up– and seemingly a new fucked up thing happens every day– I’m doing just fine, thank you.

I’m cranky.  I imagine this is a fairly normal reaction.  I’m not breaking down, and I’m not debilitated.

My boyfriend is gone for an extended period of time, I have the responsibility of children, dogs, and a house.  I have the help of his mom, but there’s added stress because it’s like feeling out a new roommate… I have school that I’m trying to finish, and my grandfather passed away, and now it sounds like there’s a chance another family member may have breast cancer.  I’m fucking great, why do you ask?

Alas, though, it really isn’t as horrible as it sounds.  I’m doing fairly well.  I aced the final last night, though I’m certain I won’t be as lucky tomorrow night.  I know my grandfather is no longer in pain, and he had to have been in SIGNIFICANT pain with renal and congestive heart failure.  We don’t have a diagnosis on the cancer at this point, and it possibly isn’t anything.  I have a great job and two amazing kids to spend time with and I really do love that I have so much help from their grandmother– who is an amazing woman.

I have a job I love, and I am doing wonderfully at it.  I am one of the members of a service excellence team. This is not only an honor, but it’s an excellent way to network, an excellent piece to put on my resume, a great way to meet new and communicative friends (my team is the communications team), and I’m setting myself for some more excellent letters of recommendation to get me into the MD/PhD program.

As much as it sucks to be going through all of this hardship without my best friend, I am confident that I will make it through.  I’ve always been a very independent woman and I’ve always really done well with challenges.  This whole stress-filled time is something I’m looking at as through the eyes of someone who knows that not only will this life cycle back to being wonderful– but that I will also have some contrast to compare it with.  And wow, how much more beautiful the wonderful will be.

And additionally, I’m still a non-smoker.  I figure that if I can quit now while it’s raging out of control, the good times, again, will be that much more extraordinary.

And I’m a BIG fan of extraordinary.