A Touchy Topic

November 21st, 2009

Warning: this topic may not be suitable for work.

First Corinthians, Chapter Six, Verse Twenty:
“Therefore honor God with your body.”
(Omitted, the first part: “You were bought for a price…”)

First Corinthians, Chapter Six, Verse Eighteen:
“He who sins sexually sins against his own body.”
(Omitted, the first part: “Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins a man commits are outside of his body, but…”

Why the quotes from the Bible?

Well, my seven-year-old has these two verses for his memory work this week.  Last week, his memory work was of the Seventh Commandment:  “Thou shalt not commit adultery.  What does this mean? …”

Seven years old.  Learning to not be sexually immoral.

I understand teaching the children to be upright, good, and moral.  I do.  And I appreciate it–applaud it, even.  However, I do not believe that the last two weeks worth of memory work has been particularly age-appropriate.   You may say, “But Ash, it doesn’t matter if he understands it.  All he has to do is memorize the words and when he’s older, we will give him a better explanation.”  Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s particularly the right answer, though, either.  To have a child memorize words without understanding what they mean is not only pointless, but falls under the category of brainwashing.  At least in my book, it does.

So… the challenge begins.  Well, actually, it had already begun from the start– but now is where I am compelled to write about it.  *grin*

While I’m not going to stray entirely into the realm of pagan parenting in a religious school– as that’s a post for a later time, I am going to say this:

And in an effort to remind my readers why I do not endorse teaching masturbation as wrong, I will give you a list (you’re welcome):

1. It’s the safest sex you can have.   There is no teenage procreation in masturbation.  There is no risk of sexually transmitted diseases.
2. In a world of abstinence-only sex education, endorsing masturbation is the safest way to ensure the child doesn’t stray in the rebellious world of “I will do what I want just because you said I can’t!”  Not that we’ll be teaching the kids abstinence-only sex education;  pregnancy and abortion rates sky rocket in the world of abstinence-only sex education.
3. It’s not only good for protection, but masturbation is psychologically healthy.  Learning about your own body makes sex in general more enjoyable.  It makes you a better partner, and relieves stress.   It’s also exceptionally well suited for single people who don’t want to invite just anyone into the private world of sex.
4. Kids who are taught that masturbation is wrong will undoubtedly feel extreme guilt when they do it.  And yes, they WILL masturbate eventually– and most start very early, before puberty, even.  When a person feels guilt over something that feels good, they will either continue to do it (likely) or not continue to do it (less likely).  For those children who continue to do it in spite of their guilt feelings, they are over-riding the very important guilt-feeling mechanism in their brain.  This may lead de-sensitization of other guilt-reactions for other guilt-inducing behaviors.    So if masturbation is wrong, and I feel guilty for doing it, but I do it anyway… where do I draw the line?  Stealing is wrong, and I feel guilty for doing it, but I’ll do it anyway.   And so on.

There.  As you can see, we will be having some interesting conversations in the future. In the mean time, we** will be teaching the kids that their bodies are their own, that it is not appropriate for children to behave sexually in front of other people, and that no one has the right to touch them or talk to them about those private areas.

*sigh*  Parenting can be a real test of our convictions.  They don’t teach you these things in school.

**PS:  For those of you in a split-house family, I believe it is imperative that this discussion be had by ALL involved parents.  I am extremely thankful and blessed beyond belief that I can talk at length and in full disclosure with the kids’ mom about anything, including these topics.