Perilously Precocious
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A Touchy Topic

November 21st 2009 in Parenting Genius, Spirituality & Philosophy

Warning: this topic may not be suitable for work.

First Corinthians, Chapter Six, Verse Twenty:
“Therefore honor God with your body.”
(Omitted, the first part: “You were bought for a price…”)

First Corinthians, Chapter Six, Verse Eighteen:
“He who sins sexually sins against his own body.”
(Omitted, the first part: “Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins a man commits are outside of his body, but…”

Why the quotes from the Bible?

Well, my seven-year-old has these two verses for his memory work this week.  Last week, his memory work was of the Seventh Commandment:  “Thou shalt not commit adultery.  What does this mean? …”

Seven years old.  Learning to not be sexually immoral.

I understand teaching the children to be upright, good, and moral.  I do.  And I appreciate it–applaud it, even.  However, I do not believe that the last two weeks worth of memory work has been particularly age-appropriate.   You may say, “But Ash, it doesn’t matter if he understands it.  All he has to do is memorize the words and when he’s older, we will give him a better explanation.”  Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s particularly the right answer, though, either.  To have a child memorize words without understanding what they mean is not only pointless, but falls under the category of brainwashing.  At least in my book, it does.

So… the challenge begins.  Well, actually, it had already begun from the start– but now is where I am compelled to write about it.  *grin*

While I’m not going to stray entirely into the realm of pagan parenting in a religious school– as that’s a post for a later time, I am going to say this:

Many sects of the Christian church teach that masturbation is wrong. The above verses support this teaching.  I/We** absolutely refuse to teach our children this “moral.”   Mostly because in our minds, masturbation is absolutely NOT wrong.  So, we will be interpreting, should he ask us to explain these verses, as this: “It is inappropriate to touch yourself in front of other people.”

And in an effort to remind my readers why I do not endorse teaching masturbation as wrong, I will give you a list (you’re welcome):

  1. It’s the safest sex you can have.   There is no teenage procreation in masturbation.  There is no risk of sexually transmitted diseases.
  2. In a world of abstinence-only sex education, endorsing masturbation is the safest way to ensure the child doesn’t stray in the rebellious world of “I will do what I want just because you said I can’t!”  Not that we’ll be teaching the kids abstinence-only sex education;  pregnancy and abortion rates sky rocket in the world of abstinence-only sex education.
  3. It’s not only good for protection, but masturbation is psychologically healthy.  Learning about your own body makes sex in general more enjoyable.  It makes you a better partner, and relieves stress.   It’s also exceptionally well suited for single people who don’t want to invite just anyone into the private world of sex.
  4. Kids who are taught that masturbation is wrong will undoubtedly feel extreme guilt when they do it.  And yes, they WILL masturbate eventually– and most start very early, before puberty, even.  When a person feels guilt over something that feels good, they will either continue to do it (likely) or not continue to do it (less likely).  For those children who continue to do it in spite of their guilt feelings, they are over-riding the very important guilt-feeling mechanism in their brain.  This may lead de-sensitization of other guilt-reactions for other guilt-inducing behaviors.    So if masturbation is wrong, and I feel guilty for doing it, but I do it anyway… where do I draw the line?  Stealing is wrong, and I feel guilty for doing it, but I’ll do it anyway.   And so on.

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There.  As you can see, we will be having some interesting conversations in the future. In the mean time, we** will be teaching the kids that their bodies are their own, that it is not appropriate for children to behave sexually in front of other people, and that no one has the right to touch them or talk to them about those private areas.

*sigh*  Parenting can be a real test of our convictions.  They don’t teach you these things in school.

**PS:  For those of you in a split-house family, I believe it is imperative that this discussion be had by ALL involved parents.  I am extremely thankful and blessed beyond belief that I can talk at length and in full disclosure with the kids’ mom about anything, including these topics.

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2 comments to...
“A Touchy Topic”
Avatar
EL

Right on Girl!
Kyle is chronically holding onto his like it’s gunna sneak away if he lets it go. I always tell them… touch it all you want, but do it where everyone else can’t see you… And wash ya hands when ya done.

Silly maybe, but I’ll be damned if my kids will feel shame over their own bodies. I don’t think we were intended to be chronic masturbators… or sex addicts… or any other thing that adds an uncontrollable impulse…

But we were given these bodies to live in and love in and to grow in. How can exploring joy and pleasure be sinful?

No one on the planet would say it was except the church… and boy is that a lot of control. I know… the church… controlling?? No way!!
LMAO!
EL´s last blog ..Saturday Morning Surprise My ComLuv Profile


Avatar
ryan-1

I like your approach, Ash, as well as the thought processes behind that. Well said.
ryan-1´s last blog ..A Crisis of Sorts My ComLuv Profile




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The Politician

People-please-er. Suck Up. Non-confrontational. Easy. Doormat.

So many words for the same thing. Being a liberal bleeding heart often lends me to acting in ways contrary to my heart. I’ve swung the pendulum on such things.

While a teenager, I was very much ready to stomp out anything or anyone who would dare challenge what I believed was truth. To call me outspoken was the understatement of the millennium. However, as I grew into a professional working woman, I discovered that what I believe as right does not always need to be shared. I do not have to dominate a topic or conversation in order to be heard. This revised way of thinking led to more bitten tongues and bleeding cheeks than I’d care to admit.

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Master Of The Symphony: Compose Your Self

All right ya’ll, listen here: This is your call to arms!

*dons soapbox*

You want to know what the demise of humankind will be? Our demise will be that we, the collective humankind, have stopped thinking.

We have become lemmings who have all of the necessities yet none of the motivation. We have slid down the path from human BEings to human DOers. We allow other people, other things, other entities to do our thinking… for what? The convenience of it all.

Master Of The Symphony: Compose Your SelfNext Entry

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