Growth and change and patience and growth and change and patience and growth and change and patience… I’m seeing a pattern.

Growth in who I am, how I feel, how I feel about myself. Growth in my knowledge.  Growth in my understanding.  Growth in my awareness and in my acceptance.

Change.  Fuck, there’s change. 

Patience.  Good Goddess, how much more do I have to BE?!?  I thought I was a patient person, but…

I have news for me.  I have more to learn.  I am learning every day.  Every moment. 

I am learning that every time I start to feel like I’ll never reach my goal at this pace, that it is the journey which is a majority of my experience.  The journey is the climax, the focus, the ride along the way.  Never losing sight of my goals, I can still spend the time it takes to just BE.  And BE satisfied.  If I were to die tomorrow, would I look back and say mine was a fruitful life?  Absolutely, even if I never reached that big Pie In The Sky Goal.  I suppose it’s my tenacity in continuing on along a seemingly endless road that I like most about me.  That and my charming good looks.  *wink* 

I am surrounded by magnificent people who believe in me.  Who support me. Who see my future with the same amazing glory that I see myself.  Who see in me NOW what I see in myself.   I’m surprised that  along the way the people have changed– there are different people now than there were before, and those before were different than the ones before them… the surprising part is that I’m finding myself consistently surrounded with the right kinds of people to propel me along.  Where one door closes, at least one more opens up the flow of beautiful, supportive energy for me, and so closed doors never create a vacuum… rather, I have created a constant spring of energy that flows around me… that feeds my craving for encouragement much like the body is fed by our blood.  It is a communion with ourselves; I, with your souls… it is delightful!

Oh, *breathe*

As much as I was uncomfortable with my frustrations yesterday, they were an important part of my experience.  I could express them knowing there was no judgment from you.  I could express my emotions and feel comfortable that I am perfectly okay as I am; this sort of confidence feels right.  It feels good to know that as imperfect as I am, I am still worthy of love.  Yes. 

So I am.  I’m not quitting.  I am going to sit right down and feel good about things again, knowing damn well that I’m moving at a steady pace towards my goals.  Remember, you cannot plan out your future for surely life has its ways of changing things for you.  Instead, I continue to focus on the goal, on the feeling of accomplishing that goal.  Every day is one step closer to my prize.  Every day, I amazingly and magnificently survive to the next.  THIS is the adventure.   The goal makes no difference at all.  I follow it, and it motivates me, but I could just as easily have any one of millions of other goals.   The only reason my goal is worth anything at all is because it is MINE.

No Comments »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment