Anonymous Blogger

I’m not so certain that brutal honesty suits me nearly as much as it would had I chosen to begin this path with anonymity.  Seriously, though, had I considered that an option any of the handfuls of times I “started something new,” I wouldn’t have done it.  Mostly because I need people I know to read these things.  I guess I’m like the life insurance sales person who insists on showing the presentation to all of her friends, because why wouldn’t they want to purchase life insurance from me?  Huh, Why not?!

*sigh*  It’s the exhibitionist in me.  She’s died back a little.  I no longer feel the need to drink copious amounts of cheap liquor and then take my clothes off for everyone.  That’s nice.  I guess.

Anonymity… and blindness.  It could be very nice, I think.  Boring and nice.  And what if no one ever read what I wrote?   All that anonymity for nothing.  Naught.

And in turn, I fail to produce brutal honesty.  Of course I have the capacity to write with brutal honesty.  I’ve done it in any number of my silly email fights with people I loved, in the safety of the four walls of my bedroom.  Alone.  Nothing thrown at me, no furious fuming man spittle to wipe off of my cheeks because I’ve pushed the wrong  (or right?) button… just hate-filled, fake-like-a-wedding-cake, brutally honest emails.   (I had to throw the wedding cake reference in, even though there are very few people in my life that would get that reference, it’s only that in a fit of both of our own brutal honesties, I was called fake like a wedding cake and… there!  Are you happy now?  Now everyone is in on the reference and no one thinks it’s funny.  Dammit.)

Anyway, the point is that I have to censor myself here.  I tend to shy away (anymore) from writing about my menstrual cycle– even though it’s one of the most anchoring parts of my existence.  Maybe I should write more about it.  Men who read women’s writing ought have at least a general idea that we bleed.  I digress.  Please focus.  I shy away from intimate details of my life.  Not because I don’t have any but because some things just aren’t supposed to be advertised.   At least not on this blog, because I have another secret onorp blog where I can post those things.  Unfortunately, I haven’t had much of an urge to post there as of late.  Oops, that cat is out of the bag now, too.   Someone should warn us about drunk blogging.  Except that I haven’t had alcohol since Landon’s birthday, two weeks ago.  Bad excuse.

I’m probably just going to delete this post right after I save it as draft.  That’s probably best.

Really, I think this post was actually going somewhere. Back in the first paragraph, maybe.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that because it’s not anonymous, I have to hide things from you.  Some of the *good* things that are currently happening are just not appropriate bloggy material.