Yunno me… always thinking.
Regardless of why I was feeling bad, I conquered yet another conflict within me: I felt bad, was able to express it, and then worked through it.
For a good part of my life I’ve been hesitant to express when I don’t feel good. I don’t want to be one of THOSE people who no one wants to listen to because they’re spouting off negativities… I’ve never liked THOSE kind. I don’t want to be rejected for my feelings, which is something I’ve apparently been conditioned into fearing. That goes right back to my good old Fear of Abandonment issues… Alas, I recognize those feelings as such and have learned to identify them for what they are.
I’m feeling better now. I knew the feeling was fleeting. It’s been a challenging experience dealing with all of life’s stressors, all of the things that just add to the weight I place upon myself. I learned something new today about myself: be gentle. Allow and accept the bad feeling, and then set it free.
I’ve also learned about frustrations… about parenting and financial woes… that I DO actually have a breaking point. Not that I broke that point, but that I have one. Huh, and all this time I thought I didn’t!
These, to me, are great things to recognize. To acknowledge them, validate them, and to allow them works far better than to deny them or to hide from them.
As the evening rolls in, and my tensions are lessened, I’m grateful for the lesson about myself. Amazing how I can be solidly into adulthood and still be learning about me. That’s a good thing, I suppose… that’s something that I think everyone should strive to reach for. It’s a good indicator that I’m still capable of implicit change within me. To me, that’s one of the best lessons of all.
2 Responses to “boiling point”
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December 2nd, 2007 at 1:48 am
Hey Ash, we both learned our different ways about our own mental health. We had different yet similar challenges growing up in the environments we did. Despite being more or less taught to repress or deny our feelings… I’m glad you have learned the rewards of “setting them free.” Love ya! Jeremie
December 2nd, 2007 at 8:42 am
Isn’t it amazing that we can take two somewhat different experiences and use them in similar ways for our own wellness? That’s one of those few things that has led me to believe that many of us can be WELL… Most of us, in fact.