Set your goals high.  Higher, even, than you think are possible given your current circumstances.  
Know what you want, and expect it.  
What you expect is what you get.  
Get what you want, always… 

Dreams are the maps to our joy.  Don’t stop believing.  (I know, get the song stuck in your head!)  Follow your heart… realize that you can’t plan HOW you will reach your goal, just know that you will have it.  Sometimes the paths we insist on taking don’t follow our hearts– allow yourself to deviate for the sake of seeing what might happen… there is no rule book, there are no road rules, no guidance other than what truly leads you: your instincts… which ultimately translates into your heart’s desires.

You can have it.  I promise.

Sometimes the English language fails me… and it’s not always the limitations of the language so much– I know more than one language.

Sometimes there are no words that describe it, as much as we’ve tried to use them as symbols for our thoughts, our emotions.

Sometimes we just have to rely on how it feels– in all aspects, physically, mentally, emotionally, and instead of using our brains to wrap our experience up into a bundle of verbs, nouns, and adjectives… we have to use our hearts and just let it be what it is.

And it feels right.  It feels good.  Magnificent.

In the most beautiful moments, you are there…And for that, I thank you.  (yes, you)

So… I elicited a “wow” from a gentleman (well, who knows how gentle- he was) at the gas station yesterday.  It was pretty flattering considering I was make-up-free and my hair was still a little wet from the shower.  I must have appeared angelic to him (you know, I’m just so angel-like when I’m without my make-up.) Yay for eliciting “wow’s!”

I seem to forget about me when I’m not “on the market.”  Interesting phenomenon.  I think there are a lot of people who do this.  When you’re not on the market, you’re off the radar.  Perhaps it’s pheromones.  I don’t know.  But it seems to me that somehow suddenly men are Aware of Me.  Maybe it’s just that I’m aware of them.  I doubt it, I’m a pretty aware chick most of the time.  (more…)

Ask and you shall have.

There is a slight caveat, though.  What you focus on is what you get.  So if you’re asking for “No Something,” Something is precisely what you get.

This is a lesson.

In the last year, I have surrounded myself with, “No-drama” or “Drama-free.”  Unfortunately, when you live by that rule, that is precisely what you get… you get people trying to avoid drama, and in turn, covering up the things that could possibly lead to drama.  You get important things left un-addressed.  You get people avoiding real human experience for fear of alienating themselves from drama.

Which… inevitably leads to….. Drama.

Okay.  So, lesson noted. 

Now, I have changed my tune.  It was a good experience to try the drama-free diet, but now I’m a firm believer in acting out of LOVE.  I live on a high love-diet. It makes sense, really.  If you are acting out of love, there isn’t going to be drama, right?  Nothing will turn out poorly if your focus is love.

There are a million applications for me to change my tune by.  There are million goals I can set my mind upon and have, as long as I eliminate the interference focal points.   This is a work in progress.  I am quite certain I can do it!

So… in my focus is love.  It is my new lens. 

In my love-filled focus, there is no sacrifice.  Everything I do is guided with the map of love.  All of the hard work I put into this life is done because I love what I do.  All of the lessons I willingly encounter because I love to learn.  It’s not been terribly long since I’ve discovered this, but I can feel the change inside of me already.   I’ll have to let you know how this goes for me.

Oh, and brilliant people make me smile.

I cleaned my room today.

Not spending my entire weekend up in the mountains or away from home gives me a lot more time to do the things I neglect otherwise.  I love having a clean room.

I found a friendship bracelet that I had started knotting over a year ago.  I remember that I started it while I was at Apogaea in the summer of 2006.  Oh, yes, the beginning of so much change for me.  It was a great time!

I was single, and eating it up.  I was surrounded with a group of amazing friends– amazing men.  It was the beginning of so much for me, so much growth and learning.  Who I was then is a completely different woman than who I am now.

That was the time when I was free, when I was bouncing my head to the music, just enjoying the scenery.  Beautiful people in costumes, scantily clad, good music, great food.  A man fell in love with me over that.  Nothing ever came of it, but it is interesting to know that I was able to elicit that sort of reaction from someone. (more…)

I was once told that there are two emotions: fear and love.

While going through the motions of ending a relationship, there are often sad feelings– and I’ve decided those are rooted in fear.

Of course, in me, there are also feelings of love, because in all things, I intend on love.

Love doesn’t quite cancel out fear, but it certainly makes fear lose its power.

My battle strategy: In all things, find love.  Love for me, for my experience, for this life I call my own…

And in that, I find comfort and happiness.    (more…)

Ye, for I pronounce in the name of all before me,
For every transgression, every sin
For every crime committed ‘gainst myself
‘Gainst you, in thought word and deed,
THIS is my penance,

For every moment I called out in silence,
“It wasn’t arbitrary,”
For every time I thought twice about you,
For every curse I brought upon myself
THIS is my communion

I awake on a bright Sunday morning,
Can smell the sweat on his buoyant skin
Can taste the salt of his body ‘pon my lips
Can hear the sound of his breath
Pulsating in rhythms ‘cross my cheek
THIS is my penance

No number of Hail Marys can commit me
To the solitude I would walk without him
To the silence of his slumber
In a bed far ‘cross my world
No number of promises of afterlife
No heavenly aspiration
Can set me free from my trespasses
As he who lays against me
THIS is my communion

No threat of hell is so great
As the one could have found me
As the crimes I have committed
Have entrenched me between his fingers
And for this I drop to my knees
In pleasurable penance
Body and blood I consume him
I commune

Some doors remain open, some close.

I see no point in loving you if you refuse to love me back. I’ve a big heart, but if I’m not part of yours, there’s no desire for me to waste my time and energy.

What’s strange is that I don’t feel this way for just one person… but everyone.

And what’s even stranger is that I am behaving in ways towards people who are giving me their energy that implies that I’m unwilling to give back.

I need to re-direct. Re-focus. I have attachment issues, apparently. I do not know what it is to fight with my family and know that they’ll still love me afterwards.

Or, for the matter, that I will still love them. No relationship is imperative.

I say it, and each time I assert it, it sounds so hurtful. It’s not like I don’t love.

« Older Posts — Newer Posts »