Into The Rabbit Hole

“This life is both beautiful and tragic.”  - Janna

It IS.  And somehow, in some way, I believe we chose this experience, knowing ultimately that we would experience the highs and lows– the joys and tears, and in one path or another, and we decided we would do this… for the experience.

I don’t know that we were ever angels sitting up somewhere in heaven, picking the exact life we would have… but I do think we collectively knew that it would be like this, at least in the sense of recognizing our emotional ties to the things that pull on them.

There is so much to experience.  The beauty of life, the tragedy of death… the coming to terms of the necessity of both…  the balance that is pertinent for generations to continue having the opportunity to experience these things.

As a collective whole, humanity has come to a turning point… to an unrecognizable fork in the road where we can no longer continue on the beaten path as we always have.  We are waking up and realizing that we have ethical obligations– responsibilities to ourselves and our experience and to our future generations who may also want to experience this.  We are learning from our mistakes and our past lifetimes– we are recognizing our life lessons and coming to terms with our mortality.  We are realizing that this lifetime isn’t always so much about US and our short lifespan here (each time) and more about the WHOLE collaborative experience that all spirits may potentially embrace.

And what if there ARE no potential spirits?  What if this all is a fluke?  An accident of nature, and after this there is nothing?

It doesn’t matter.

We are facing major ethical dilemmas as we continue to evolve.  We become more scientifically advanced and have begun breaking the natural chain of events that life on earth for eternity has needed in order to perpetuate.  In understanding the physical properties of nature, our sciences have prevented death and simultaneously cause death.  Death, the omnipotent, inescapable, undeniable god whom we all fear and likely respect.

Is it all hopeless?  Is it a lost cause, a pariayan ideal that our humanity was supposed to last forever?

I don’t think so.  We have to make the best of what we’ve got.  We’ve got to take the hand we’ve been dealt and play it, even if we feel like there are no other options than to fold.

This life is both beautiful and tragic.  And somehow, we’ve chosen to experience the heights of beauty knowing full well that the depths of tragedy are not negotiable.

Watch me

It’s amazing how I have been able to pick up just the right book for just the right time in this life. I’m currently reading The Great Cosmic Mother, which is a history book on religion and women in religion. It talks about ancient beliefs, ancient worship, ritual, and idolatry. The underlying theme is that history forgets to include the dramatic role women played in religion, and that much of today’s patriarchal religion is to blame. It was an intentional omission– one that would ensure that those who have come to be In Charge remain In Charge. (conspiracy theory part a)

Along with the synchronicity in the things I’m reading and learning about, I’ve found that the simplest “coincidences” have left me astonished. For instance, in my recent reads, I have seen a general repeating theory that time as we understand it has a dramatic change on December 21st, 2012. Some call it the end of time, some call it a great awakening. As of yet, I’m no authority on the subject, but I am going to give you a tiny glimpse of what I’m learning, in layman’s terms. (conspiracy theory part a2/b)

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I keep discovering new things I know nothing about.

The more I realize that I don’t know, the more I want to know everything there is to know.

Surely it would be impossible to learn all knowledge in one lifetime.  In fact, that’s my greatest hindrance:  there is only so much “time” I have left in this life.  I don’t know the amount of time, but I recognize that there is a limitation.

If my purpose is to learn as much as I can, then perhaps this purpose gives support to the idea that maybe we’re here in one lifetime more than once.  It’s not evidence, but it would make sense.

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Do you ever notice time flying by so quickly– things happening so rapidly– that you hardly have time to catch your breath? I like times like those because I know I’m being active and productive. Still, sometimes I have to just sit down and write in order to compile everything that I think and feel about all that has happened.

Where do I begin?

Jesus.

Okay, let’s start with Jesus. I had a realization this weekend.

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“There is no spoon,” he whispered as he shook a spoon at me.

I recall knowing some people…. I must’ve been twenty years old or younger.  There was a friend of a friend… who insisted that he could manifest a peanut butter and jelly sandwich from thin air.  It was the PBJ theory… that if you wanted something enough, if you believed it enough, that you could think it hard enough, and *poof* there would eventually be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, right there, in his hand.

One of the guys we hung out with explained it to me.  I remember lying there in his room, hearing him tell me that quantum theory backed this idea up… that essentially the tiniest bits that make up atoms (quarks) are not really bits at all– they are energy– and that energy is affected by thought.  I remember thinking, man, I wish I had what they’re smoking…

I know many people have theorized, philosophized, thought about this whole concept.  It’s a pretty significant metaphysical belief, really.   It’s the tenant behind The Secret (albeit the more “out there” tenant, but it is a tenant nonetheless).  Thoughts become things.

Now, before you decide this is all hogwash and leave my page, I want to explain.  I want you to give me a moment to tell you how this all will work without you believing in magic or voodoo.  Those things are nice, too, but this is not really about magic.  (Of course, in a totally different vein it is, but that’s not what I’m going for right this minute.)

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This beautiful, crazy, always amazing… life.

It’s amazing how my perspective has changed recently.

Yes, there are crazy, messed up things that happen. 

Yes, there are stressful, worrisome forks in the road that desperately require me to make the right decisions.

Yes… it’s an adventure.

But now I am not afraid.  Today I don’t feel the pain of not knowing where the road leads because it doesn’t matter where the road leads.  Today I trust that everything is absolutely perfect in its own right.

Quantum leap, anyone?

I suppose that there is one of two possible causes for humans to have created spirituality in the realm of evolution.   The first possibility is that we need it in order to cope with our own mortality, feeling less anxious about death because we know something “Better” will come after we pass on from our physical bodies.

The second possibility is that we somehow remember– not necessarily cognitively– that there is something more.  Perhaps our cells remember– though organically that wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense because our cells are what die.  The scientist in me struggles to make sense of it all- to understand how a majority of perfectly reasonable (okay that’s relative) people believe in SOMETHING.  It comes back to one of the laws of thermodynamics: Energy cannot be created nor destroyed.  So, in the scheme of all that exists, we are energy.  Every single cell in our body uses something carbon based as a “food” to make energy.  Every carbon based cell we consume once used something else to make energy to grow.  Animals consume other animals and plants. Plants use sunlight to make energy.  The sun expels energy from the dramatic process of nuclear fusion, which is a result of the cataclysmic nature of the creation of our universe– a creation that natural physicists insist followed the law in that the energy was already there– it just changed form somehow…  When we die, our bodies decompose into basic carbon that is reabsorbed into the ground.  Or, the process can be accelerated by cremation– either way, our cells are always carbon based, and eventually those carbons return to the earth to be used as nutrients for more plant life, which again is eventually consumed by another animal– us or otherwise.  I suppose another possibility to allow our cells to remember is that we are all the result of something living.  Every single one of us was created by two cells from two other living beings.  Perhaps that “memory” is passed down to us from the point of conception… I’m doubtful, but somehow there could be a connection.  Read the rest of this entry »

First, god is NOT testing you.  You create your own drama, your own shit, and your own experience.  Quit blaming all the bad stuff on “god” and man up.  It’s all you.

Second, flies are useless.  If someone– anyone– can tell me one good reason for flies, I will stand corrected.  In the mean time, I’m going to sit here, sure as shit, knowing that flies are useless.

Third, stop with all the passive-aggressive bullshit.  Really, I’ll be happy to do whatever you want me to– don’t try to manipulate me, because then I’ll STILL do it, all the while plotting ways to kill you in your sleep.  (Just kidding, I would never kill someone for being passive aggressive with me.  At least I don’t think I would.)  But really, just ask.  Don’t find ways to “negotiate” or come up with silly reasons why I should.  I don’t need a reason.  But don’t give me a reason to be irritated with you.

People need to sloooow down when they drive.  Contrary to popular belief, this is NOT a race.  You don’t need to drive so far up the person in front of you’s ass that you can breathe in their exhaust fumes.   It’s just not necessary.  You will get there just as fast by leaving an entire car length (or more) between you.  Don’t be in such a hurry.  Instead, give yourself plenty of time to do what you have to do and get where you need to go.

Whining is not appropriate small talk.  People who don’t know you definitely don’t want to hear you bitch and moan– about anything!  It kills me when the dumb old lady in line in front of me at the grocery has nothing but bad things to say about everrrrrything.  I wanted to kick her in her stupid knee just so she’d really have something to complain about.

Quit doing things that didn’t work the first twenty times you tried them.  This is especially applicable to the smart people in my life that I consistently see repeating the same bad behaviors.  If it didn’t work last time, find a new way to handle it.  Don’t tell me there’s no other way.  That’s just another reason for you to blame bad shit on “god.”  Instead, think this out clearly and coherently.  What can you do differently? *sigh*

Okay, so now that I’ve got those things off of my chest, I must carry on with the homework I was doing.

I think that a lot of success has to do with your faith in yourself or your cause. 

Faith is the unconditional confidence that you’re on the right path.  Pure faith like that is difficult to come by, and those religious leaders who dedicate their lives to leading other people in their own faiths have perhaps the most challenging job of all.  People who guide other people’s faiths must undoubtedly realize the magnamity of their responsibility for not misleading or misguiding their people.  Perhaps it is this sort of power that corrupts certain spiritual leaders; it is this sort of control that can lead otherwise good people into the depths of deception and lies.  That’s not what this blog is about, but it is that very pure, blind faith that is exactly what we must rely upon to become successful.

Pure faith in our cause. 

Once, there was a skeezy life insurance salesman, Bill J.  He ran the life insurance agency I once worked for.  His philosophy was to get the individual sales agents pumped up enough to bust their asses for him, selling life insurance to union workers and creating more sales agents who would take over once the previous generation had burned out.  Bill would preach from his silver-lined pulpit, or his beautifully polished cherry wood desk.  He would drive expensive cars, and throw parties at his million dollar home.  He would preach to us that we, too, could have ANYTHING we wanted.  Anything at all was achievable and within our grasp, but we just had to remember one thing: never, ever, ever act out of fear.  The most successful agents were ones who had the most charisma, and who could mimic the expression of pure faith– faith in the need for life insurance, on to the new agents and clients.   The most successful agents were the ones who could instill the fear of death in the clients well enough to suppose they NEED life insurance, dishing out the very things that we were specifically taught that we ought not do.   He was teaching us to be one thing, never acting out of fear, and then to say another, instilling fear within the hearts of the people giving you their money.  That’s what charisma is, ultimately, after all, don’t you think?

Fortunately, there was one thing I took from my experience under the guidance of this man, and that was to not act out of fear.  What is this fear?  And what is the opposite of it?  To not act out of fear is to act out of faith.  It is the faith that you know the right path.  Faith that you will act and it will be okay as it is, and if it’s not, you can figure out what you did wrong and in the future fix it.  I learned that when you do not act out of fear, you have nothing to worry about.  You make more level-headed decisions, and you deny anything the opportunity to throw doubt into your mind regarding you capability of working through the situation reasonably and confidently.

Sometimes I catch myself behaving out of fear.  One of my most common fearful behaviors is settling on the roommates I choose to share my life with.  What a completely inappropriate area to settle!  These are the people I live with for Pete’s sake! Sometimes I make poor decisions when I act out of fear.  Perhaps I’m not the only person who does this??

To be successful, one must have blind faith that what you do is going to be okay, no matter what.  To be confident in your abilities is to take appropriate risks and to not be knocked down from a poor decision that was made out of fear.  To be confident in your steps forward is a beautiful thing.  Have faith in your SELF.  You cannot succeed without this.

I think the whole point I’m getting at here, is that faith is a powerful experience.  You can essentially convince anyone of anything if they have faith that what you’re telling them is true.  If you have faith in yourself, in your own abilities, you can convince yourself of anything.  And when you truly believe that you can have anything you want, you will accomplish it, because there is nothing in your way to prevent you from doing so. 

  As it unfolds is perfect.  Even if it’s not what I necessarily wanted. It’s beautiful and perfect just as it is.  Even if I hate how disappointment feels. I am complete as I am.

Next time, I will do better.