Into The Rabbit Hole

I think that a lot of success has to do with your faith in yourself or your cause. 

Faith is the unconditional confidence that you’re on the right path.  Pure faith like that is difficult to come by, and those religious leaders who dedicate their lives to leading other people in their own faiths have perhaps the most challenging job of all.  People who guide other people’s faiths must undoubtedly realize the magnamity of their responsibility for not misleading or misguiding their people.  Perhaps it is this sort of power that corrupts certain spiritual leaders; it is this sort of control that can lead otherwise good people into the depths of deception and lies.  That’s not what this blog is about, but it is that very pure, blind faith that is exactly what we must rely upon to become successful.

Pure faith in our cause. 

Once, there was a skeezy life insurance salesman, Bill J.  He ran the life insurance agency I once worked for.  His philosophy was to get the individual sales agents pumped up enough to bust their asses for him, selling life insurance to union workers and creating more sales agents who would take over once the previous generation had burned out.  Bill would preach from his silver-lined pulpit, or his beautifully polished cherry wood desk.  He would drive expensive cars, and throw parties at his million dollar home.  He would preach to us that we, too, could have ANYTHING we wanted.  Anything at all was achievable and within our grasp, but we just had to remember one thing: never, ever, ever act out of fear.  The most successful agents were ones who had the most charisma, and who could mimic the expression of pure faith– faith in the need for life insurance, on to the new agents and clients.   The most successful agents were the ones who could instill the fear of death in the clients well enough to suppose they NEED life insurance, dishing out the very things that we were specifically taught that we ought not do.   He was teaching us to be one thing, never acting out of fear, and then to say another, instilling fear within the hearts of the people giving you their money.  That’s what charisma is, ultimately, after all, don’t you think?

Fortunately, there was one thing I took from my experience under the guidance of this man, and that was to not act out of fear.  What is this fear?  And what is the opposite of it?  To not act out of fear is to act out of faith.  It is the faith that you know the right path.  Faith that you will act and it will be okay as it is, and if it’s not, you can figure out what you did wrong and in the future fix it.  I learned that when you do not act out of fear, you have nothing to worry about.  You make more level-headed decisions, and you deny anything the opportunity to throw doubt into your mind regarding you capability of working through the situation reasonably and confidently.

Sometimes I catch myself behaving out of fear.  One of my most common fearful behaviors is settling on the roommates I choose to share my life with.  What a completely inappropriate area to settle!  These are the people I live with for Pete’s sake! Sometimes I make poor decisions when I act out of fear.  Perhaps I’m not the only person who does this??

To be successful, one must have blind faith that what you do is going to be okay, no matter what.  To be confident in your abilities is to take appropriate risks and to not be knocked down from a poor decision that was made out of fear.  To be confident in your steps forward is a beautiful thing.  Have faith in your SELF.  You cannot succeed without this.

I think the whole point I’m getting at here, is that faith is a powerful experience.  You can essentially convince anyone of anything if they have faith that what you’re telling them is true.  If you have faith in yourself, in your own abilities, you can convince yourself of anything.  And when you truly believe that you can have anything you want, you will accomplish it, because there is nothing in your way to prevent you from doing so. 

  As it unfolds is perfect.  Even if it’s not what I necessarily wanted. It’s beautiful and perfect just as it is.  Even if I hate how disappointment feels. I am complete as I am.

Next time, I will do better.

I sit here, leaning my head against my hands, my fingers wrapped in my hair… I sit here, slowing down my breaths, imagining all of the things on which I am about to focus.  I sit here, wondering what my next adventure will be and what I will look like.  I sit here, realizing that there is nothing and no one I cannot be.  My life changed recently.  Everything I am is now someone completely different from whom I was a year ago.  Everything I believe has morphed into this beautiful creature, this bundle of energy, this out-of-the-ordinary representation of something that I’m becoming…  I realized that this life is my canvas, and that I, the creator, am an amazing artist.  I have used paints, words, music, and facial expressions.  I have used movement–my own never-ending dance; and I have used my joy and my warmth as my medium.  I am the leading actor in my own story.  Be creative.  This has so many meanings.  One is that you can bring out the artist in yourself– everyone has something to offer; it doesn’t have to be drawing or playing a musical instrument… any talent is one worth artistic expression.  But it means so much more!  It means choosing your daily behaviors wisely.  It means doing everything you do with passion and awareness.  It means giving thought to every person you encounter and embracing the talents that all people can share.  It’s a great thing we’re not all sketchers, because there’d never be any mechanics, grocers, seamstresses, or chimney sweeps.  It’s an even grander thing when you meet someone who really GETS that this life is for joy and experiencing.  In all that you do, embody love.  In all that you do, embrace one another.  In all that you do, give thanks and appreciation to the beauty that you cannot avoid but to experience. It’s an amazing thing to recognize the power of the creator within yourself.  It’s beautiful to know that you’re already walking in the path that is most suited for you.  It’s so validating to understand that nothing you do or say can be a mistake– we all experience so that we might LEARN, so that we might become even more concise creators… we practice everything we do so that we might do it BETTER again in the future.  Better.  It implies improvement.  It implies growth, and motivation.  It is that simple word that always indicates hope and ultimately thrivation.  Better.  There’s always something MORE you can do.  But be certain that we cannot lose faith because we’re not BETTER yet.  We can, however, reflect on the past, note how we might handle it differently once presented with the opportunity again, and prepare ourselves to act accordingly.  It’s a constant growth until we can grow no further… and then we die.

To understand these things is to know how to live successfully.  To find joy and happiness, you must consistently reflect upon your lessons and accomplishments.  To know that you have given your effort completely and that you have come out with paintbrush in hand, filthy with trial, and confident that next time you’ll take one step further, is to know that you are a powerfully creative creature.   It’s that concept that will move you forward into the next level of understanding of the nature of life. It’s these things with which you must behave in complete accordance.  It’s these things you cannot deny because you’ve discovered and tested them, and if you embrace them, you will not be dissatisfied with your experience.

Writing, for me, is sometimes very similar to me talking just to hear myself talk. It gets lonely in my office all day long… and lonely in my home all night long.  I crave the attention that my friends and loved ones give to me.  So for me, writing, and then seeing you all read my blogs, is essentially feeding my pathological relationship with you…It’s like my diary.  Only not really.  I don’t divulge my most deep dark secrets; I DO tell you how I see it, and I DO use artistic authority to manipulate these words in a way that I feel you’ll be driven to continue to read…It’s all poppycock.  I could make up anything as I go along, and you might read it and believe it.  I could tell you stories, lies, and more, and you might think you’re getting to know me better. For instance, I can come out of the closet to you.  I can tell you that I’m definitely into women, and that I simply cannot get enough pussy to satiate my cravings.  Or I can tell you that I’m pregnant, and I’m not sure whose baby it is, but that I’ve narrowed it down to three lucky men. I could tell you that I’ve quit my job, and only pretend to go to work every day, and I sit online all day long praying I can find something that will come close to paying my bills. I could tell you that I’m really a man, but nevermind, you already know THAT’s not true. The thing is that you never can tell.  You never can tell when I tell you the truth, and you never can tell when anything I say or promote is real.  For that, you must believe.  Most of you know me very well, and most of you are quite comfortable with being able to tell when I’m being serious or when I’m making something up.  For those of you who are uncertain or have any question in your mind, perhaps this one blog will remind you to question it all. And to then find faith. See, that’s what faith is, really.  Read the rest of this entry »

Exhale. Life does not take any effort.  In fact, in spite of the terrible odds against it, life continues, unscathed.  Life on this planet has rejuvenated itself from utter destruction and devastation caused by meteors at least twice that we are aware of.  It takes no effort for plant life to thrive.  Forests that have been burned down continue to grow back, animals continue to procreate, the earth continues to thrive.  It took no effort for our species to evolve, only time.  It took no effort to move from molecular chaos to sentient beings.  None of this transformation required anything other than just existing.  It’s what all life does… it thrives and evolves. Why do we make this existence so difficult?  We seemingly require so much more maintenance.  Is it emotional satiation?  Is it boredom? We get entirely caught up in our daily grinds, misfortunes, and minor tribulations that we end up thinking “This life is difficult.”Alas, it’s not difficult.  Life is easy.  Life requires no effort.  Thriving requires nothing more than just existing. It sounds like a lie to you because you’ve conditioned yourself to think and believe differently.  However, I challenge you to change the way you think– remind yourself that life happens, and that we can easily thrive just by Being.  There are so many facets of life.  Death is part of life.  It’s just another link in the chain of existence; without it, life could absolutely not continue.  Death, though we’ve created an emotional attachment to it, is nearly as beautiful as life.  We fear it because we naturally fear what it unknown to us.  We grieve it because we form emotional bonds with Life.   These are okay reactions to death, but it’s important to remember that ultimately this is all just part of our thrivation. Life does not take effort.  It may take a little positive energy, and a little creative talent.  But it is effortless, and thriving is just what it does.  Be.

You might be amazed by the changes you experience when you STOP focusing on the things you don’t want and START focusing on the things you DO want. FOCUSWhat is it that you want?  What is it that you prefer?  You have the power to experience EVERYTHING you want at the tips of your fingers, and the beckon of your mind.  Everything that you currently are going through is the result of the things you focus on.  Is something you’re going through not feeling good, not feeling right?  That is something negative that you are focusing on.  Stop the madness!  Begin to determine what it is that you WANT, what it is that you DESIRE from this lifetime.  Determine it, and focus your mind upon it. When I was a little girl there was a poster that hung on my closet door.  I kept that poster for years, in fact I believe I still have it somewhere in my garage.   It had a message, “If you follow your dreams in all that you do, it won’t be too long ‘fore they start coming true.”  This couldn’t be closer to the truth than any advice I ever have heard. I’m going to tell you that anything you set your mind upon, you will have.  It’s up to you to decide what you will have, and along with that determination comes the motivation to have what you want. You can do it

I try to be logical.  Analytical.  Rational.  However there are so many experiences that life has in store for me that are absolutely NOT of that nature.  Love and fear are two very specific examples of experience that do not follow those clean cut objectives of logic, analysis and rationality.  Love and fear are pretty much the basis of all other emotions, and therefore it follows that emotions are not naturally logical, analytical nor rational.  Life is about moderation and balance.    Read the rest of this entry »

It’s quite easy to become so caught up in your artistic authority that you forget that there are many people around you who not only don’t Want to embrace their own creative powers, but have no clue How they would go about it even if they wanted to. It’s sometimes very difficult to explain to a deaf man the Powers he holds within his heart and mind. When you attempt to say it, he looks at you funny and wonders where you came up with your crazy hippie love bullshit. It’s those people who look at you funny who are the least likely to even consider your hogwash to be possible. You might as well have three heads, in their eyes. A select few will perk up like wilted flowers whose thirst has just been quenched by a cool, refreshing gulp of water… those people are the ones that make it all worth talking about. Don’t waste your time on those people who refuse to hear your secret. There are many who will eagerly accept your given quest. As a beacon of beaming light in the sea of darkness and disinclination to adopt Responsibility, it is important to not become discouraged when you come ashore and find no Living, Cognizant creatures on land. Don’t fear being alone. Don’t become caught up in the slithering slime of denial and remorse and drama. It’s not worth losing your Hope over. If you can clearly hear those bells of energy chiming in the distance, you can know you’re not far from discovering other like-minded life out there. You’ll find it, and it will find you. Keep your spirits high so they will recognize you.

Animismn : the doctrine that all natural objects and the universe itself have souls; (found at www.dictionary.com)I believe that everything is made of soul. This soul is really just energy– just as yours or my soul is entirely composed of electrical current in our brains. Everything you think, do or feel leaves a trace of energy. Energy can neither be destroyed nor created– but it can take various forms of expression. Creating energy: You consume food, absorb sunshine and nutrients, and drink water. Your body metabolizes the molecules into energy. You express that energy in thought, action, and emotion. Read the rest of this entry »

when your aim is for perfection
and you aim in one direction
when you brain just can’t keep up
and you only hear “it’s not enough”
when you feel like nowhere’s coming
and it’s coming way too fast
when you feel like only first place
but you always ever end up last

you’ve got to give yourself
a little room to breathe
a little time to think
and a little time to live

you’ve got to give it time
and make this moment count
because if you were to die tonight
can you say what it’s about