I suffer from my PMS. Sadly, you suffer from my PMS, too!There are twenty-eight days in my cycle.  Of those, I bleed five.  Before that beautiful release (and return to sanity), I have seven to ten full days of Pre-Menstrual experience.  Seven to ten days… that’s more than one fourth of my cycle.  Every fourth week.  Yesh.  You love me. And during the pre-menstrual experience, I am fucking crazy.  I mean, not always, and not all the time, but I CAN be.  Often.  Throughout these pre-menstrual days.  My patience is totally thin, and I can become exacerbated over the most minute delays!  And I’m needy.  Needy.  Neeeeeeedy.  PAY! ATTENTION! TO! ME!!!!!!!  And my skin breaks out.  So I’m less confident that I don’t have some raging blemish that you’ll be forced to stare at.  So pay attention to me, but don’t look at me.  And goddess forbid I get cramps.  These usually don’t bother me until the first day I start menstruating, but some months are better than others.  It’s fun.  Really.  No, don’t walk away, I’m not done. Okay, maybe I’m done.  I’m just more sensitive during these days.  Some cycles are better than others.  Some cycles make me want to present myself to the nearest mental health facility, begging them to diagnose me with Pre-Menstrual Dysphoria Disorder (PMDD– the baaaaaad version of PMS), have them stick me with some morphine and make me just sleep it off.  Other times, I’m perfectly normal.  Like, functional.  You’d never know it until I actual bleed that I had been pre-menstrual. It’s fun being a woman.  Really.  I don’t mind all this cycling business.  I don’t even mind that I get pimples because of it.  I don’t dislike tampons, and I sure as hell don’t hate bleeding once a month.  I wouldn’t trade my womanhood for being a man for all the money in the world.     …maybe for all the chocolate in the world…

My patience is very thin today.
It seems recently that it’s been a lot less difficult to offend me. 
Perhaps I’m more sensitive than usual, or perhaps it’s that I’m busy and what I’m reflecting into the universe is shortness, failure to think before speaking, and/or inability to take the time necessary to ensure that things I say are not being taken the wrong way. Life is a reflection of what you put out there.  There’s a chance that I’m putting that vibe out there, and it’s exactly what I’m getting back. There’s also a chance that I’m just being too sensitive to what I’m receiving. Because I understand that my emotions are my responsibility, I know that I need to really consider these two options before losing my temper over said failure to communicate with me appropriately. It’s hard owning these emotions.  It’s difficult to say, look this is mine, this I own, and here’s how I’ve decided to address the situation.  Especially when we’re talking about an emotion that can easily spiral out of control for the layman Emotion Experiencer. It’s a lot of work.  I’m willing to take it on, though.  *sigh*.

Today I’m sensing a schism between myself and the rest of the world. It’s probably all in my head. In fact, of what isn’t in my head, IS self-inflicted.  One of my most fallacious behaviors I exhibit regularly is that I try to Be There for my friends in need and then when I am in need, I recall all the shit my people are experiencing and then I decide that they don’t need to deal with my minuscule frustration; therefore I keep it to myself. I’m aware of how dysfunctional this is.  As maladaptive as it might be, it has its place in my experience.  Perhaps a lack of lifeline for my petty incongruencies means that I limit my dramatic expression. Perhaps. Either that, or it bottles up my needy emotions, only to squeeze them out when my tolerance is completely full and can take no more. *hmph*Damn hormones. At least I’m not as crazy as I was when I was on the pill. 

Attention! Attention!!!
I’m feeling a bit neglected. I need all eyes on me for the moment. No, seriously, pay attention to me!!!!Frick the frack out. I must be PMSing. This is how I get when I’m pre-menstrual. So now that you’re listening… No! Don’t run away. Stay here. Keep reading…Okay. Yesh. I need you to dote on me now. And worship me. Yesh. Worship. Hows about you telling me how terrific I am? You know it’s best when you talk to me like that. I am much happier when I know how much you love me! So go ahead. It’s easy. Starts with something like, “Ash, I really like (fill in the blank) about you. You are SO COOL!”*sigh*It’s never quite the same when I have to coach it out of you. In fact, nevermind. I don’t want your attention after all. I’ll just sit here and pout, instead. *pout**pout**pout**pout**ten minutes later* Dammit. When I pout, I want you to pay attention to me. What part of this process aren’t you GETTING???Asshole. *turns on my heel and leaves*

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