Into The Rabbit Hole

I want to swallow you whole
and your soul to be mine
to be one with your pulse
your heart
beat tastes like red wine
I want to consume every inch
to become all that is yours
you’ll sweat from my pores
what breath I devour
every part that is you
flicked by my tongue
you’ll not want existence
without me
who is inside of you
in throes of passion you’ll be mine
submit yourself to me
and in nights dark as blackness
I’ll be your fire within

Writing, for me, is sometimes very similar to me talking just to hear myself talk. It gets lonely in my office all day long… and lonely in my home all night long.  I crave the attention that my friends and loved ones give to me.  So for me, writing, and then seeing you all read my blogs, is essentially feeding my pathological relationship with you…It’s like my diary.  Only not really.  I don’t divulge my most deep dark secrets; I DO tell you how I see it, and I DO use artistic authority to manipulate these words in a way that I feel you’ll be driven to continue to read…It’s all poppycock.  I could make up anything as I go along, and you might read it and believe it.  I could tell you stories, lies, and more, and you might think you’re getting to know me better. For instance, I can come out of the closet to you.  I can tell you that I’m definitely into women, and that I simply cannot get enough pussy to satiate my cravings.  Or I can tell you that I’m pregnant, and I’m not sure whose baby it is, but that I’ve narrowed it down to three lucky men. I could tell you that I’ve quit my job, and only pretend to go to work every day, and I sit online all day long praying I can find something that will come close to paying my bills. I could tell you that I’m really a man, but nevermind, you already know THAT’s not true. The thing is that you never can tell.  You never can tell when I tell you the truth, and you never can tell when anything I say or promote is real.  For that, you must believe.  Most of you know me very well, and most of you are quite comfortable with being able to tell when I’m being serious or when I’m making something up.  For those of you who are uncertain or have any question in your mind, perhaps this one blog will remind you to question it all. And to then find faith. See, that’s what faith is, really.  Read the rest of this entry »

Announcement that rocked my world today:Pluto’s status as a planet has been demoted.
This is very sad to me.  I know, science is what it is, and I understand WHY.Still, I mourn our planetary loss and question what effect this might have on the world of spiritual beliefs.  Poor Pluto.

Everything all comes around, full circle.  And the beauty of this opportunity that is this life is that you are able to learn from experience, grow, and ultimately thrive.   You know the most important lessons are the ones that are the least comfortable.  Who and what you are right this minute is a cumulation of everything you have learned so far… so where are you at right now?  What have you learned?  What do you need to learn?

We all go through cycles.  Sometimes we are the teachers and sometimes we are the students.  When you find yourself presented with an opportunity to learn and grow, acknowledge that opportunity for what it is; embrace the chance you’ve been given to become a greater person; discover everything there is to know about yourself; learn how to manipulate what you’ve discovered into the most beautiful, most amazing circumstances you can have; and THRIVE!

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When it hit me, I almost fell out of my chair!The room shimmied and my eardrums sounded like a huge metal sheet thundering in an acoustic room.  Vertigo overcame me, and I had a difficult time catching my breath again. I had been catapulted across the universe on a soft, velvet, magic carpet that was damp with emotion, sweat, and sex.  Truly, I began to fly.

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I had a strange dream this morning.

I was at church, in the front row. There was no pulpit and no altar. Instead, there was a man in front: the pastor, wearing his garb, and he was handing out communion…

It’s been years since I’ve taken communion, and I doubt I’d take it unless I was doing it to appease someone’s heart, specifically my family’s hearts. However, I’m pretty sure that I would know what to do– you just go line up along the front of the altar, kneel, the pastor will bless you, you cup your hand, receive the unleavened cracker (Christ’s body) and then pick out which shot glass of blessed wine that you are to believe is Christ’s blood and then drink.

While taking these, you ask for forgiveness and become one with God or whatnot.

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I try to be logical.  Analytical.  Rational.  However there are so many experiences that life has in store for me that are absolutely NOT of that nature.  Love and fear are two very specific examples of experience that do not follow those clean cut objectives of logic, analysis and rationality.  Love and fear are pretty much the basis of all other emotions, and therefore it follows that emotions are not naturally logical, analytical nor rational.  Life is about moderation and balance.    Read the rest of this entry »

You must think I am.

I want to be the light shining on your path, the song that fills your heart.  I want to be your diamond. You must think I’m crazy…the crazy girl gushing how beautiful life is…  the crazy girl constantly reminding you she’s found the secret… the crazy girl’s head so far in the clouds she wouldn’t even notice if she tripped over something and fell down…Crazybeautiful.

I sat down with a friend today.  She had a sullen heart.  She didn’t think she’d fit in with the crazy people who light up my soul.  She didn’t want to try.  She saw the bliss in my eyes and I saw sorrow on her heart.  I wanted to give it to her, place the beauty in the palms of her hands; she didn’t want to take it from me.

Crazybeautiful.  You’ll know you have it… you are the person talking about happiness… everyone sees the glowing inside. You’ve told me now that I am.  How I bring a smile to your lips.  How I shine in your eyes. I want to be that, and that’s what I am to you.  How blessed it is to BE. You’re not alone.  I’m not, either.  We’re all crazybeautiful. 
And I love you.

I saw you tonight for the first time in ages.You were beautiful then as you are beautiful now. Through the eyes of a child I last watched you– through the ears of my youth I listened to you. Enamored. Our private little fortress; no one knew, no one could stop us. Our “secret” was bliss. I still think about it. Six years later, and you’re still on my mind. Who I am is because of many things that were you. Tonight you asked if I faulted anyone for my fuck ups. They weren’t fuck ups, but I certainly fault you for shaping me. I saw it; I feel it even now. That passion… that spark… I was blinded. It wasn’t love, but it was something that still binds to my heart. The more I say… the more I know less is better.

Animismn : the doctrine that all natural objects and the universe itself have souls; (found at www.dictionary.com)I believe that everything is made of soul. This soul is really just energy– just as yours or my soul is entirely composed of electrical current in our brains. Everything you think, do or feel leaves a trace of energy. Energy can neither be destroyed nor created– but it can take various forms of expression. Creating energy: You consume food, absorb sunshine and nutrients, and drink water. Your body metabolizes the molecules into energy. You express that energy in thought, action, and emotion. Read the rest of this entry »