Into The Rabbit Hole

BPA strikes again!!!

See?  I was only a few steps ahead of the game on this one.   Yes, I know I didn’t come up with the evidence, but it was only a few months ago that I set my beloved Nalgenes to rest  (RIP dear trusty water bottle), and suddenly it’s making news more and more frequently than ever before.

I swear it was causing me extreme PMS.  The real basic explanation: The Bisphenol-A (BPA) that leeches from the plastic into your liquids acts like a false estrogen.  Estrogen is something we have to be cautious about when it comes to putting more of it into our bodies.  This chemical has a similar structure to estrogen, and our bodies process it somewhat like estrogen.  Have you ever heard of the idea that drinking too much soy milk (which has a sort of similar process in our bodies) can increase the risk of breast cancer?  Well, it’s sort of like that.

Anyway, you may want to start thinking about ditching your polycarbonates…

I’m about to get political on all yer asses. Look out.

So, front page story of CNN.com: Immigrants Leave AZ

I’m astonished with some of the verbiage they’ve chosen to use. One immigrant’s-rights activist and pastor says, “They don’t want to live in fear, in terror.” Um, what??? In terror? Hello, they broke the law, possibly (probably) stealing a person’s identity in order to get employment. I bet that other law-breaking people are terrified of getting caught, too.

Another gentleman is quoted saying, “I don’t want to live here because of the new law and the oppressive environment,” he said. “I’ll be better in my country.” New law. Hmmm. Apparently the old laws were okay because you could break them without major punishment? And oppressive government, Ahem. Okay. If that’s what you think. Perhaps it WOULD be better if you went to your own country. Try *them* on for size for a bit. Don’t let the door hit ya…

Now, let me also add, that I’m not hating anyone.  It’s not about race at ALL, and I am okay with people who break laws. Of course we’re not perfect, and in fact *gasp* there are laws I break– but not many. Anyway, the point is that I don’t judge a person’s character necessarily on them making justifications as to why they’ve broken the law. There have been many illegal immigrants whom I’ve loved very personally, and I don’t think they’re bad people, even though they’re here illegally. At the same time, I’m astonished by the sense of righteousness that is being portrayed by some of these quotes. Maybe that’s why CNN put the quotes in the news– they wanted to elicit this sort of reaction from their readers. Yes, I agree, illegal immigrants are not bad people personally, but at the same time– they’re breaking the law, and sometimes ruining lives by stealing identities. Identity theft sucks, and it’s really hard being the person who is caught on the receiving end of the problems that come up when someone’s stolen your social security number. If now the government is “protecting” itself, then so be it. That’s the governing body’s prerogative. When in Rome, live like the Romans, right? Well, when in America, abide by American law. When you choose to move to another country– and you choose to do it illegally, well then you choose to deal with whatever consequences that come of that. Period. Take a little responsibility for your experience, here folks!!!

Read the rest of this entry »

Just a moment ago, I just went off in this blog box about my education and how it irritates me that sometimes people think that I cannot both Be In a Relationship and Not Be Distracted From my Education.

Then I decided that too many people would take that as something I’m saying directly to them and figured I should probably erase it all for the sake of not causing more trouble for myself than I already do. 

So, here’s what it comes down to:  This is what I’m doing.  I’m working on my degree, working towards a goal.  Just like any other creature does what it does, I am a student, working towards eventually becoming a doctor.  It’s how I’m progressing through my career. This is me following my heart’s desire, and there’s nothing to distract me from it! This IS what I DO!

I dislike the theory that relationships are a distraction.  I mean, I understand the sentiment, but I find it unreasonable to think that one should lock oneself in a tower for several years until they reach all their enormous goals.  That isn’t LIVING!  Instead, I must enjoy the experience.  Every single day, as challenging as they are, are MINE, and I own them.  This is my time.  I’m not just hanging around until I make the right scenarios for myself so I can finally invite someone in whom I can share this with.  Besides, I’d rather ultimately spend time with someone who has stuck with me through all of my challenges and experienced this adventure along with me– rather than meet someone who knows me as I am in the future and not how or where I came from.  Does that make sense? 

This leads me to address some reactions I get when I respond to “What are you doing this weekend?” with “[Fill in the blank with whatever homework I’m working on.]”  For the love of Neil, do NOT respond with “I’m sorry!”  Jebus, how miserable does that sound?  “I’m sorry [that you’re so disciplined and following your heart.]” Lame.  Or here’s another good one, “you’re working hard, and I know you miss your friends, but this is the sacrifice you have to make in order reach your goals!”  Eff that!!  The energy I spend to reach my goals absolutely CANNOT be considered to be sacrificial.  If I was sacrificing anything I wouldn’t do it.  I need to love my decisions and love the effort I put into this.  Otherwise, I might as well quit now and find some other passion to fill my time.  

That is all. 

Thanks for letting me sound off there. 

Hello my pretties. I wonder if you know how strange it is to be human.

I wonder if you’re aware of your actions.

We sat in a restaurant this evening and watched a man make two phone calls on his cell phone while he ate.  The woman he was with sat and watched, quietly eating.  It was really obvious and very rude, but not as rude as when he stood up at his table cursing obscenities into the cell phone, much to the dismay of all three of the adults at our table– with a five year old.  Was he ignorant?  Probably.  Living in a lens of drama and emotion so thick he can’t contain himself in public.  Sad.

I see drivers drive recklessly in the name of road rage.  I see people full on scream at the ones they love. I’ve seen men beat women.  I’ve seen a parent call their child stupid. 

*shakes head*

It’s sad.  It’s unaware. 

Here I am at twenty-seven.  I almost said twenty-six, and caught myself.  It’s 2007.   I reflect and realize I’m an entirely different person than I was a decade ago.  I’m entirely different from many people I see daily.  The contrast is an echo in this silence.  It’s not to say that I’m so different.  I’m human, and I make human mistakes frequently.  I behave in ways that are embarrassing.  I say things that fall out of my mouth before I even realize what I’ve said. The biggest thing that separates me from the ones I speak of is that I’m aware.  Maybe not before, but after.  I learn from my experiences. Instead of picking a fight with someone who tells me my behavior is out of line, I consider it. 

I sometimes worry that I’m coming across as preachy here.  I wonder if those of you who don’t really know me can interpret my voice through my words.  I wonder if you realize that my tone is more of a plea for understanding from all rather than a hippie chick on a soap box.  I’m not angry, I’m sad for you.  I only wish we could all understand and respect one another as other parts of ourselves.  Reflections, so to speak.  Instead we bang our heads together, gnashing our teeth at each other… all in the name of what?  A better parking space?  The last Elmo doll on the shelves?  It’s so miniscule, so tiny, so… deadly.

Eventually at some point, I do believe we’re going to have to get along.   I thought of the rapture several times this evening.  What if something DID happen, something magnificent, something defining?  Human history is cursed with tragedies that wipe out entire cultures, civilizations.  Where we’re at now is no different from where we were at during the time of the comet, during the time of the plagues… Gaia clenses herself.  But I digress.

The point is that I believe that eventually we will have to get along.  We will have to be united or we as a race will fall.  At some point our fight or flight mechanism will have to evolve as it no longer poses as a mean for our survival.  I’m not holding my breath on this, though.

We are a strange creature. We are blinded by our own experience, fogged with a lens of whatever reality we’ve created.  It never fails to amaze me just how many of you like to watch Jerry Springer because it makes your life seem normal.  I’ll tell you now, you’re not normal.  Or at least… you’re not functioning in the way you want to.

So I pose you this question: Before you begin to bicker, before you take off your big boy pants and show everyone just how big of a penis you have, will you consider this, that all of this is part of your experience?  All of this is exactly what you’ve created of it!  All you have is you. And us.  And here we are now.  Where do we go from here?

Road rage is caused by two things, and ONLY two things: YOUR EGO and IMPATIENCE. I’m not entirely certain that I know how to change your ego.  I think a person’s ego is a personal thing, and is directly correlated with a person’s overall self-esteem.  My first thought is that a person with lower self-esteem may be inclined to ballooning up a bigger ego to compensate for their lower self-esteem.  Low Self-Esteem Guy may be somewhat more sensitive to perceived “wrong-doings” that indicate to the Sensitive Ego Guy (same person, different hat/title) that someone has somehow directly or indirectly stepped on their toes, therefore pressing Sensitive Ego Guy into coming back with a fight in order to enforce the boundaries of said self-esteem.  So, what is road rage?  Road rage happens with Sensitive Ego Guy (formerly known as Low Self-Esteem Guy) thinks someone did something to wrong him and in return aggresses to establish his personal sense of ego.

“Oh yeah?  You think you can cut me off like that? (Or butt in front of me, or make me go slow, etc., etc.) Well!! I’ll show you who’s boss!!!” …proceed erratic and dangerous driving methods that put all of our lives in danger…  Read the rest of this entry »

First, god is NOT testing you.  You create your own drama, your own shit, and your own experience.  Quit blaming all the bad stuff on “god” and man up.  It’s all you.

Second, flies are useless.  If someone– anyone– can tell me one good reason for flies, I will stand corrected.  In the mean time, I’m going to sit here, sure as shit, knowing that flies are useless.

Third, stop with all the passive-aggressive bullshit.  Really, I’ll be happy to do whatever you want me to– don’t try to manipulate me, because then I’ll STILL do it, all the while plotting ways to kill you in your sleep.  (Just kidding, I would never kill someone for being passive aggressive with me.  At least I don’t think I would.)  But really, just ask.  Don’t find ways to “negotiate” or come up with silly reasons why I should.  I don’t need a reason.  But don’t give me a reason to be irritated with you.

People need to sloooow down when they drive.  Contrary to popular belief, this is NOT a race.  You don’t need to drive so far up the person in front of you’s ass that you can breathe in their exhaust fumes.   It’s just not necessary.  You will get there just as fast by leaving an entire car length (or more) between you.  Don’t be in such a hurry.  Instead, give yourself plenty of time to do what you have to do and get where you need to go.

Whining is not appropriate small talk.  People who don’t know you definitely don’t want to hear you bitch and moan– about anything!  It kills me when the dumb old lady in line in front of me at the grocery has nothing but bad things to say about everrrrrything.  I wanted to kick her in her stupid knee just so she’d really have something to complain about.

Quit doing things that didn’t work the first twenty times you tried them.  This is especially applicable to the smart people in my life that I consistently see repeating the same bad behaviors.  If it didn’t work last time, find a new way to handle it.  Don’t tell me there’s no other way.  That’s just another reason for you to blame bad shit on “god.”  Instead, think this out clearly and coherently.  What can you do differently? *sigh*

Okay, so now that I’ve got those things off of my chest, I must carry on with the homework I was doing.

This may seem like a No Shit to you, but if anything sounds new, you may want to take notes.  These are the rules of fighting, and if you don’t follow them, you only look like the asshole to the persons observing you. 1. No name calling.  Name calling is retarded.   You sound like a big whiner when you call someone a name.  Use your words wisely and address the issues you have with the person. 2. Don’t raise your voice.  Again, you look stupid if you can’t convey a thought without raising your voice.  3. Address ONLY the issue at hand.  If you are unsure of what the issue is, perhaps you should think about it prior to opening your mouth. 4. Don’t bring up past shit that you already hashed out.  This one is particularly important for women, because we never fucking forget.  Especially if it’s a transgression committed by a man.  It’s not fair game to bring up something you’ve already fought about.  Either you’re over it or you’re not, and if you’re not over it, then find another solution that will MAKE you get over it. 5. If you have no intention of resolving the problem, don’t even bother bringing it up.  Fighting with someone you have no intentions of making up with is asinine. It’s a waste of energy. And if you intend on resolving the issue and making up with the person, don’t throw blows below the belt. 6. Don’t fight in public.  This falls under the no drama rule.  Contrary to the Jerry Springer belief structure, other people don’t want to see you and the person you’re fighting with acting like idiots.  It’s uncomfortable to those of us around you.  Keep it between the two of you, and don’t come out until you’ve learned how to play well with others.  Don’t talk shit behind someone’s back, because that, too, is stupid.  And these, my friends, are the rules of engagement. Happy fighting!

Things about alcohol that if you don’t already know, you SHOULD. 1.  If the whole point of consuming alcohol is for you to get drunk, you probably should NOT drink it. 2. Drinking to the point of throwing up should never be the norm.  If you do it often, maybe you should consider not drinking at all or stopping several drinks ago.  We don’t want to hear you wretch.  Period. 3. Your friends do NOT like you more when you’re trashed.  In fact, they like you less. 4. If you regularly drink so much that you get out of hand, you may want to consider slowing down.  Don’t act like you don’t know if you get out of hand or not.  If there’s a question, you probably do. 5. Don’t drink and drive. Really.  It’s fucking selfish, dangerous, and it’s wrong.  Just don’t do it.  And if I offer you a place to crash and you decide that you’re not too drunk to drive and you get a DUI– or worse, I’m REALLY not going to feel sorry for you.  I gave you the out.  You were too stubborn to take it. 6. Alcoholism is a sucky disease.  It’s conveniently treatable.  Don’t drink.  Yes, it IS that simple.  It’s the same with any other addiction.  Yes, I get that it’s physical, but it’s mostly psychological, and only you can decide that you don’t want to put those things into your body.  To not take complete and total responsibility for your behavior is not only sad, it’s lazy.   Own your behavior.  Own your body and mind.

She was trying to create drama.  I saw it for what it was, and I didn’t give her the gratification of getting a reaction from me.  I was calm; I deferred her away in the only drama-free way I could think of. I’m hurt because she was intending on using MY emotion– an emotion I own and keep controlled under lock and key–against me in a way that would ultimately only hurt me.  Jealousy might be my Achilles’ heel, and she was going straight for my throat…I have a difficult time distinguishing between her status as friend or foe.  With friends who will be malicious like that, who needs enemies?  With a drama-free diet as the goal, how do I best handle a betrayal like that?  I suppose it’s all practice, any way… this is practice for other future experiences, and the more practice I have, the better prepared I am for handling drama in the future… By the way, I think we often confuse drama with being emotional.  Don’t be fooled.  They’re two very separate and different experiences. Emotion, in its pure state, is beautiful.  Drama, in its pure state serves only to entertain and distract its creator. 

Sometimes the state of mind of the people amazes me.
I am astonished how out of control the people are.
I cannot believe they have allowed themselves to slip into this plane where they no longer question violence, crime, and self-loathing.  It seems as though they’ve lost all concept of reality and themselves– and have become comfortable thriving on the drama that is their existence.  I tend to not read the news anymore because it feels like an inaccurate reflection of the drive and motivation of the people.  Advertisements are aiming for a particular audience, and the commercials are dumbed down so that the stupid public can GET it. I find that increasingly offensive.  The people are soaking it up because it’s easier to let the rot flow into their heads than to use critical thinking techniques to determine what should be allowed and what shouldn’t.  What you put into your head is exactly what you get out of it. In the name of money, fame, power, and religion, people are fighting wars and committing crimes that they cannot even explain.  They just continue to do what it is they’ve always done, comfortable with what they know, complacent and unwilling to question what they’ve been taught. The people have become lemmings to a cause that they don’t understand, and they continue to just DO instead of knowing and acknowledging their responsibility and their role in the State of Things and The Way Things Are. It’s a sad, sad place for the people.  They are simply okay with what they do, feeling no guilt and no ownership because they’ve become numb to the things they do, numb to the repercussions of their atrocious behaviors.  They’ve become quick to blame anyone besides themselves: it’s the media, it’s society, it’s the President, it’s God’s Will.   The people do not question– absolutely do not allow the thought that they could possibly be in control of How Things Are cross their feeble little minds.  That thought would devastate and overwhelm the people.  Imagine masses of people Realizing their Power.  It would be completely out of hand.