I’m not really even sure where to begin.  I have no idea where the start of my story is.  Have no clue what the storyline is, and even less of an idea as to how it will all end. 

There are days in my story.  Countless, sometimes endless days.  Sometimes it seems like even the brief amount of sleep that is supposed to separate one from the next dissolves into a fleeting moment of an eye blink.   I’m glad things are going this quickly; it leaves me less to be impatient over.

I have learned a great deal of things this semester.  So many that I could not even begin to list them all off for you.  The woman you see before you today, though, is not the woman of yesterday.  Nor is she the woman of last year.  The cumulative changes have broadened my character– have given me that many more puzzle pieces that fit into my personality.  I’ve learned great life lessons that many never seek to discover.

The greatest of all lessons is that I have control.  Pure, utter control over this life.  I can have and say and do whatever I want.  If I can imagine it, it is mine.  There is a time buffer– one that I cry about– whine about– try to negotiate with the Universe over, but regardless of the length of time between the moments I desire something and the moment they come forth, whatever I dream of happens.

The most popular desires I’ve had throughout this year have been interpersonal in nature.  I have desired experiences with one person or another– sometimes many people, and from every ounce of desire, exactly what I’ve thought of has come to fruition.  This is more than intuitive assessment; this is really that the people and instances I’ve wanted have shown up on my doorstep.  Those whom I cared not to partake in have slowly fallen away. 

I’m amazed at my abilities.  I’m dumbfounded when I assess a situation with a person and then reflect and have that Aha! moment where I realize that I had wished this very situation in the past.  And now, here it is.

The depth and magnitude of these circumstances far exceed any of the hopes I had for them.  There are no words to describe the gratification of knowing that I can have it all… And in most circumstances it’s not just the desire of my heart– it’s the behavior I put forth into seeking that which I desire. 

It seems so simple.

And yet there are so many things that I feel are difficult.  Intangible.  Untouchable.  And the reason it takes so long for me to reach those goals is because I fail to believe in them readily as I’ve done with so many other things. 

How do I change that?  How do I create within me the trust and confidence in my abilities– even in the “problem” areas?

I don’t know the answer yet.  However, I do know that the answer will come to me, as everything I have desired has. 

No Comments »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment