This life can be overwhelming.
There are so many experiences. So many thoughts to touch my mind. My heart. My experience.
It seems that the solution to exhaustion is pride. When I think I can’t possibly do more, I take pride in what I’ve done and it propels me. I push myself beyond my own comfort zone, and it is there where I grasp freedom.
There are a gamut of emotions pummeling through my brain. All of them I’ve tasted, chewed up, and swallowed. Some I choose to eat again. Some I spit out. I choose to taste more love.
It is a dangerous emotion. I can experience it for many, and for many lose touch. I can hide it inside my heart, being stingy with it until I spare it for none. I can spread it superficially as a drunk on holiday. I can use it to attain more of it, to attain more of what I want materially, to prop the world in my palm. It is dangerous because it opens my chest up to vast skies of the universe and to the depths of our deepest dark oceans. It makes me vulnerable. It fulfills me.
With it can come great adventure.
And loss.
It is knowing the experience of love that pushes me forward. That pride. That exhaustion. I am motivated, and I am tired. I am smiling.
It is knowing the pain of my losses that provides me extraordinary contrast. It makes my elusive emotional experience that much more invaluable to me. It is part of love, and it is how I know how to love someone entirely. How to love myself completely. How to love you wholly. And I do.
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