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Posted in: Love, Mental Health, Step Parenting by POHA on September 27, 2008
Fatigue steals my thoughts, streaks past my eyes when I am trying to concentrate. The only moments I have an opportunity to think are fleeting, when I’m driving, six hundred miles away from the place where I can write it all down.
My brain is full. It’s tired. I wander around the inner fields of my neuronal pathways with glimpses of Boethius and Socrates, arguing about the beauty of poetry. A tally of the things I have to accomplish in a short week’s time dances with the grocery list and other things I have to remember. “Neurosurgery, this is Ash.” I start to answer my cell phone this way, and the details of calls to insurance companies swim through my dreams.
I’m beginning to question whether the wakeful periods are really dreams and if my alpha states are really wakefulness.
It’s worth it.
The constant fatigue begs me to compare back to the times when I wasn’t so exhausted. What was I doing differently then?
Mostly, I think it was that I wasn’t parenting. I wasn’t getting up an hour earlier to spend time with my honey. I wasn’t sitting down for dinner every night. I wasn’t helping the kids do homework, getting them showered, kissing them good night, or thinking about whether or not they would have a good day tomorrow.
As much as it cuts into my energy, it is worth it. As much as it demands my attention, it is worth it. I’ve been given the blessing of a family that I did not have to create, and can now enjoy the benefits of it all with a small cost: my sanity.
Which is a comfortable trade. They return my love even when I’m a little crazy.
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There are never enough moments in my day, especially when it comes to loving up my children.
Nice space you got here.
Comment by conversemomma — September 27, 2008 @ 12:26 pm
Sleep…I can never get enough!
Comment by Roschelle — September 27, 2008 @ 2:15 pm
Conversemomma, WELCOME!!!
Roschelle, agreed. It must be something in our genes that pushes us to keep moving.
Comment by POHA — September 27, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
brilliant post. i like it.
Comment by ryan-1 (man on fire) — September 27, 2008 @ 6:13 pm
You have such fabulous wordage. Makes me feel smarter just reading it.
I, too, understand the never enough sleep. And I was that way before I had kids, too. Never. Never. Enough sleep.
Comment by Hyphen Mama — September 29, 2008 @ 6:12 pm
*grins at Hyphen Mama*
Thanks, chick!!! That’s quite the compliment!!! xoxox
Comment by POHA — September 30, 2008 @ 8:07 pm