I just want to point out how retarded my bank is. Now, this is me venting, not complaining.
So, I open a savings account. This is nice. This is good, this means I have a little extra money that I’d rather put in the bank. Right?
Okay, so in order to Not Have Any Under The Limit Fees, I have to have a recurring automatic monthly transfer, which they set up for me. The transfer amount: $75 monthly. The minimum balance otherwise: $2000.
What??? That’s an awfully high monthly balance. But, since I get paid twice a month, I figure a $75 automatic transfer shouldn’t suck horribly, especially since I was reassured that I could always transfer back if I wanted.
So, now that I have my savings account set up, I Now Have Overdraft Protection. You know, in case I spend more in my checking account than I actually had– which, by the way, I have NOT overdrafted anything more than $1-2 in a very long time… Which means instead of getting dinged $34 for every transaction (even if it were a penny) that I go over on my checking, I now have the money “automatically transferred over to cover the overdraft” and only get a measly $10 fee. Fine. I can avoid these $10 fees if I just transfer money over from my savings to my checking before they go through. Halle-fuckin-lujah!!!!
But wait, there’s more!!! If I have more than six transactions in a month in my checking account, I get, wait for it… wait for it… A $10 excess activity fee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF????!!!??!
Argh. Retarded. Ask me how I really feel.
11 Responses to “I un-*heart* Wells Fargo”
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March 29th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
How do you really feel?
Yes, I know, that was a starkly predictable and perfectly numbing opening, but you can relax - it gets worse, I promise.
I’m trying to feel your pain, I really am, and I feel certain that the entire banking system is lethally loaded against us poor saps who have to use it, but - and it’s a big but - I can’t help feeling a little bit happy that someone else is suffering, too. Not needling, just saying.
Nothing seems simple anymore, everything is wonky, and the guardians of our hard-earned cash most verily despise us. So I need you to suffer a bit, really, as it eases my own suffering and allows me to laugh at the misfortunes of others. And that counts for a lot.
Try not to shoot me. Obliged.
Kind regards and condolences from Ireland…..
TPE
March 30th, 2008 at 8:38 am
*chuckle*
Indeed TPE, this is exactly why I posted it.
I mean, I COULD just as simply not use a bank… but then what would I have to vent about???
I know, let’s talk about the weather.
March 30th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Wonders will never cease. I’ve been bleating and wailing - internally, you understand, and in a perfectly manly and heroic kind of a way - about the corrosive outbreak of poor manners in the blogosphere. So thanks for taking the time to respond to a visitor - it should be normal fare, but it’s not.
But you would provoke me with talk of the weather? Now looky here, Poha, but in case it escaped your notice, I signed off my last letter with the words “kind regards and condolences from Ireland…..”
I draw your attention, in particular, to the last word in that sentence: “Ireland”. It’s all very well me laughing like a sadist at your banking troubles - good, clean fun, really - but things could go badly mental and sour if you start to turn the tables on me and laugh at the damp grey cloud I live under for 99.9% of the year. That would be a mistake. And totally unfair, obv. Poor me.
Apart from that, we’re sweet.
Lovely to meet you cetra cetra, and kind regards coming your way from a bitterly cold and rain-lashed southern Ireland……(laugh and it may be the last thing you do. Just to be clear.)
Toodle-pip
TPE
March 30th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Poor, sweet, Irish bloke.
Indeed, the weather is quite fine in Colorado. We mix it up with 300+ days of sunshine, some snow, nearly non-existent humidity, a little rain once in a while…
Of course, I’ve never visited Ireland, so I have little understanding to compare my beautiful Colorado with.
So, what are the bugs like in Ireland? And by bugs, I mean insects!
March 30th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Dear TPE,
I have discovered your blog. Your posts are absolutely hilarious! I mean, in a sick and demented sort of way– but I totally chuckled at least twice in reading your last three posts.
So, my friends, if you want to laugh (exception, if you have frequently found me laughing at something you didn’t find hilarious, then maybe you won’t laugh, just a warning), then click on the link for TPE’s name. He’s an amusing writer. You may love him.
March 30th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
But they may not, Poha, and now everyone is just going to feel awkward and dirty as they try squirm away from your most loathed and greasy recommendation - me, namely. Why would you do that? WHY? Jeez. This has turned into the worst day ever.
Anyway, hello once more, Poha of Colorado. That’s lovely that you responded again - and in such a kind manner, too. Thanks for that. However, before this descends towards some lame kissy sort of love-in, tell me if I have this straight, please: you *laughed* at the fact that my uncle has become a mentaller? You *laughed* at my poignant valentine’s card to my dog and the shocking images of animal cruelty to which it was linked? You *laughed* at poor Britney Spears and her collapsing life and sanity?
You’re sick, Poha. Marry me already.
You’ve never been to Ireland? That’s a shame, really, because it is perfectly beautiful (in parts). I actually just moved here a few years ago with my girlfriend. We came for a month (in 2005) to visit - and just kind of got stuck. I think you’d like it, Poha. I don’t go out much, true, but I’m led to believe that the people are very friendly and there is a slowness to life which appeals. So I may be poor and sweet, yes, but not, alas, Irish. Scottish for my sins, Ms P, Scottish.
I’m trying v. hard not to see your most recent post as a laughing attack on us losers stuck here in the grey swamp of Ireland, you know. I just feel, maybe, that you could have waited a teeny weeny moment longer before making want to harm you irrevocably. Dear oh dear. I am so jealous, by the way, of the fact that you slept with the window open. These small pleasures are crucial, I feel, and I have been denied them too long. Shame on you for living in such a warmtastic place.
Hopefully this warm climate sees you plagued by multi-nasty insects? Here, thank goodness, the bugs are pretty laid back and super slow to evolve into anything remotely menacing. Sure, a few of the spiders are starting to get ideas above their station and may reach the size of a hand. And some of the wasps and those beetley things with spikes on their backs are maybe potentially slightly violent. I just keep my head down, though, Poha - not letting them hear my British accent - and I can usually pass through their road blocks unmolested. Word.
Oh dear. It looks like I’ve already started lying slightly. Dang. I knew this would happen. Quit making me lie, Poha, I’ve enough on my plate as it is.
I need to lie down.
Happy Sunday to you, though, and a friendly wave across the sea……
TPE
March 30th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Ho hum. I seem to have missed out the word “me” from one of my sentences. The amended version to follow:
“I just feel, maybe, that you could have waited a teeny weeny moment longer before making ME want to harm you irrevocably.”
Phew. So that’s that, then.
March 30th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Fortunately, our climate is DRY enough that we don’t get plagued by many insects at all. No horrible creepy crawlies, and in fact our cockroaches are much smaller than one would find in the more humid cities of the south. Our little creatures are relatively benign, and hardly a bother. So, sorry to spoil your wishes… this land is paradise!
March 31st, 2008 at 6:28 am
Okay okay, I surrender. You clearly live in a much better place. Back to the drawing board for me……
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:05 am
Yup, quite retarded. Maybe you should get WaMu and have that savings account that automatically rounds all your check card purchases up to the next dollar and puts the rounded-up change into a savings account. Then you don’t have to worry about any of that mumbo jumbo.
Yeah, I said it. Mumbo jumbo. You wanna jello wrestle about it?
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:49 am
I’ve never heard of WaMu. Wait, washington mutual, eh?
I’d jello wrestle you for far less significant matters, friend.