Oct 27
Rio left me a year ago. I still mourn for my loss of him. Now I have Max. And I still have Tobester. It’s amazing how attached to an animal one can be. I think perhaps my revisitation of my mourning for my beloved cat is what’s exacerbating my lack of patience for my current pets. Be frustrated. Don’t get too close to them, because part of being a pet owner is that their life span is significantly shorter than humans. I always think of myself as such an optimist. Yet when it comes to relating myself with anything else in life, I recognize its fleeting nature. Relationships with pets, friends, men, family… it’s all fleeting. It sounds so pessimistic. I try to make it sound so Laissez faire about it. So unaffected. Being the psychoanalytical person that I am, I recognize this as a coping mechanism… one that I’m comfortable with, one that I’m not necessarily trying to let go of. Really, what I’m trying to hide is my fear of abandonment. A brilliant mind recently reminded me that there is nothing to fear if you never claim to Have what it is you fear of losing. How very enlightened! It’s true. If you do not Have something or someone, it is impossible to lose them. Instead, you can experience and appreciate your times together for what they are. This allows you to be completely involved in the moment as it is, rather than worrying about placing a title or a role onto each situation. The naming game is something that an analytical person does, so I must fight against my nature. It’s not about defining a moment, it’s about experiencing it. It’s not about staking claim over a person or thing. Staking claim leads to coveting. Coveting is almost as evil of a word as jealousy. And abandonment. Be in the moment.
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