Into The Rabbit Hole

I’ve been thinking. This is usually greeted with a collective sigh of, “Uh oh.”

I’ve also been reading, which means I’ve been learning. Pondering, if you will. Soaking up the thoughts of other people and incorporating them into my belief system or discarding them as the wrong piece of the puzzle for the picture I’m creating.

That, I suppose, is my disclaimer.

However, much of what I’ve recently been reminded of rings completely true to my soul. And for that fact, I am compelled to share it with you

The last six months has consisted of a set of recurring, cooperative themes. The most important has been of self divinity, self worth, and self love. In the last few years I have discovered, in this order: that I was lovable, that I was capable of experiencing love, that I was worthy of being wholly loved, that I *was* and *am* wholly loved, that there is perfection in me– even though I can and do make drastic mistakes, that I am of this earth, and part of its powerful creation, that I can see clearly the paths I take and am participating in the creation of this perceived world in a subjective and dramatic way.

If I am of this world, and part of this world, and participate in creating this world… and if I am whole and divine in my own right, then the world is a reflection of me… or rather, I of the world, the Great Mother, the universe, this experience. The earth, in my mind, transforms herself until she is no longer dirt and mud, but becomes a life giving, breathing, sustaining bundle of Life. In acknowledging this, I am forced to recognize exactly what we are doing to our source of life. It’s not pretty. It involves pollutants in the form of vicious chemicals and extreme excess amounts of non-biodegradable waste. It involves stripping our earth of its minerals, selling them for worthless currency, and then wondering why it is that if we’re so wealthy, then why is it that people are dying from hunger, cancer, AIDS, guns, and nuclear warfare. It’s ridiculous what we are doing, collectively.

It seems as though to save ourselves, it would take nothing short of a miracle. Sadly, we’ve lost our memory of how to create miracles; instead we are victims of circumstance, addicted to violence and court television. We’re so overwhelmingly unhealthy that we label McDonald’s as another food group, filtering our blood out with carbonated high fructose corn syrup. We condemn those who believe in magic as non-sensible day dreamers and then wonder why the birds are dying when they consume pesticides that WE synthesized and WE threw out on our fields in hopes of controlling the growth of crops that happens naturally, without our sowing. We’ve lost all touch with reality– and call the miracle a worthless thought, a waste of our good mind energy–better used at perfecting our mad skillz in misogynistic video games that earn points by fucking prostitutes and stealing cars. That’s a much better use of our focus.

Geez, don’t get me started now. I’m not aiming for this blog to be a rant, but it’s hard for me– I just don’t GET why or how we became so far of track from being a thoughtful, creative, healthy culture. We’re raping the earth, and in the mean time, sitting around on our asses, too lazy to care or to think about it. We don’t have to. We are gluttonous and “happy.”

We’re obsessed with things that mean nothing. WHO CARES WHAT SOME MOVIE STAR DOES? Really?! How about peeling your mind off of the bullshit that isn’t real and putting your energy into making our “IRL” life worth something?

(That was another example of me spouting off. I’ll certainly try to contain myself here.)

What I’m getting at is that every single one of us has the capacity to be in a constant state of love– to feel the ecstasy of being divine and at peace. Every one of us has the ability to love ourselves completely– and in turn love the life-giving, life-sustaining Gaia that could protect our future… that is our only hope for a future. Within us is the power to end wars by creating peace. We have the capacity to believe in magic and can create miracles. Instead, though, we are lazy. We are observers, reactors, and victims of our experience. And it pains me to realize this and do nothing about it.