Hmmm.  For a woman who knows how to use her words “just so,”  I sometimes struggle with the next thing I’ll say to you.  I have so much to share and tell and teach, but in order to step onto my stage here, I must lose the fear I have that comes along with repercussion of what words I choose to express and how you might interpret them.

Genuinity is so important to me.  In saying it, I can hear the people who don’t love me crying out their *hisses* and *boos!* I can hear them saying things that could bring tears to my eyes, but at the same time, I realize that in this human form I am comfortable making great mistakes and learning from them; it is with great risk that comes great fortune.

Genuinity is important.  I can tell when a person isn’t being genuine.  I may not be able to decipher a four year old’s white lie– because if she’s genuine in what she’s saying to me, I may not know better.  Genuinity isn’t the same as truth– rather, it’s a form of energy that comes with being real about how you feel instead of falsifying it for your own or someone else’s benefit.   

Not to say that *I’m* always genuine.  I try to be.  I try to be as passionate and loving as I can with people.  I think that this characteristic is one of my more attractive qualities.  I’m not saying that everyone should aaaaaalways be at their utmost genuinity with me because sometimes it’s okay for people to not Feel behind their words, but at the same time, I’d like to think that I’m an easy person to express real feelings to, not just a resounding (yes, I chose that word intentionally) board to throw happy pseudoglobs at for the sake of throwing happy pseudoglobs.   

I guess the greatest lesson about growing up is that some days you have to allow for people to not be at their best– sometimes that person is you– and if you’re going to love that person, you better be ready and willing to allow those pseudoglobs for the sake of allowing them, in the trust that tomorrow will not be filled with such false-ness and messy mal-genuinity.

I guess what I mean to say is that ultimately, when you love someone(s), you make concessions for them.  You allow them to be the best they can be without the conditions that state: “I love you, but if you’re going to poke me with a stick, then I can’t be around you.”  Fucking encourage me to poke you with a stick!!  It’s part of my experience.  You know I’m not poking you with a stick because I want to hurt you… rather it’s that I need to know what happens when I poke you with a stick.  I’ve got good intentions…

Good intentions pave the way to hell, they say.  I don’t believe in hell, but I also don’t believe that good intentions are bad.  In fact, I think that intentions are a major part of an individual’s perception and experience.  My intentions are good, and therefore when I do dumb stuff, I’d hope that the observers of my dumb behavior can be like, “Look, she’s human!  Wow! Let’s see how she recovers from THIS dumb predicament.”

Then… if after a period of time, you notice that I’m not learning from my experience you can bring it up to me.  Perhaps it’s a trail I never considered and it would behoove me for you to show me.  Perhaps I have so much going on that I forget to open my eyes while I am running my marathon.  Another one of those stick-poking deals here… Do I even realize that I should have my eyes open in the first place?

Anyway, the point is that with love comes a freedom to be genuine.  It alleviates all fear that what you’re doing could sever a relationship.  Instead of fear, there is hope.  Instead of poking with sticks, there is growth. 

It all sounds so nice and ideal.  Of course it does, in theory everything sounds nice. 

Perhaps if I began to practice what I preach…

*sigh*  I try.   For what it’s worth, I do have the good intentions and -generally- the genuinity that makes me a valuable person to have as part of your experience.  I’m human, I sometimes do dumb stuff.  Sometimes I get myself into a pickle so drastic that I cannot even notice that no one else thinks the pickle is near as major as I do.  It’s all part of my perception, my chosen perspective.  I realize this. 

Even still, though, I expect you to love me.

I don’t have any more of a rule book than anyone else does.  I’ve got good intentions..

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