Oi.

Yes I just said, “Oi.”

This morning was a blast from the past as I attended a church service for the kids’ cherub choir performance.  It was a required attendance, and while I could have just as easily slept in, I thought it appropriate to show up.  Besides, who knows whom I might run into.  I grew up in this synod, and while this church was never my home church, I knew many people in this community.

We arrived, parked in the back parking lot, and smoked a cigarette waiting for the kids’ mom and Kora to arrive.  Blasphemous.  I know.

We all went in together and sat together and once again I was thanking the Universe that we all get along so beautifully.  I’m kid from a broken family– have had many step-parents in my time… and while my childhood was never horribly affected by the addition of new step-parents, I have seen just how bad it can be.  For the three of us– my guy, the kids’ mom, and I– we get along perfectly.  Hell, we could even consider ourselves friends one day.  It’s rather wonderful!  Anyway, I digress…  We all sat together, and waited for the kids’ performance.

Stand up.  Sit down.  Chant.  Sing.  Chant.  Kneel.  Sit down.  Stand up.  Listen to the pastor– who, by the way, once played Teen Angel in our high school performance of ‘Grease’– talk to us for an hour about Giving it Away.  What, you might wonder, should we give away?  Well, whatever we have, of course!  Awesome.  They’re a big business, and of course they’re going to talk about donations.  Meh.  Did I feel obligated? Not a bit.  However, if I was a member and actually attended, then perhaps.  I’m not trying to be critical here– I know damn well that there’s one way they’re going to pay the bills and it’s through the collection plates.  I just don’t know that it’s necessarily something that should be tied to a sermon in which guilt and God’s Will is involved.  Of course, if that’s what works…

I scanned the room for any other members of the congregation that I might know.  Coincidentally, prior to the service, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands.  I was cursing the paper towel dispenser when a woman mischievously says to me, “These darn new-fangled things…”

“You look familiar!” I said.

“I taught you P.E. when you were in high school.”  This was a woman who taught me more about respect than any other grown up I had ever encountered in my teenage years.  It was pretty interesting to see her now, especially considering that just yesterday I was teaching Tyler the value of eliminating the words “I can’t” from his vocabulary.  “I once had a teacher in high school who wouldn’t allow those kinds of words to come out of our mouths,” I told him.  I wondered where she was at these days and if I’d ever run into her again.  I even considered googling her name.  Turns out her son is in Tyler’s class.  Funny how that all works out. *grin*  We said our hellos, I told her how I was just talking about her, and we made minute small talk.  Amazing to see how she’s aged– of course, I’m sure she thought the same of me.  That was ten years ago.  Maybe fourteen.  Somewhere in there.

Moving right along…

I thumbed through the service program to see what I could see.  The thing about traditional church programs is that they’re always boring.  Always.  Even with the pastor telling us about his days of high school football.  It’s just… we sit there.  We listen if we can.  We zone out and reflect on the ways we haven’t been giving to the church as we’re supposed to.  We focus on our guilt for not being like Jesus, and we play with every hangnail we can find.  We read the service programs just to see what’s up.  I eventually resorted on counting the number of opportunities listed in there that we could give money to the organization.  Many opportunities.  Many.  Much to my dismay, when I was reading the names of the greeters, I came across a name I’d rather never set eyes upon again.  It’s sort of a disturbing, twisted sort of fascination– much like not being able to look away from a gruesome accident on the highway.  There, written in black ink, was the name of the man who molested girls in my grade school.  The fifth and sixth grade teacher– who recently got out of prison after serving a sixteen year sentence for child molestation.

I casually leaned over, pointed out his name to the kids’ mom, “Oh, and he’s a pedophile.”

She looked at me and her mouth opened… “Why is he here?”

If I had been quick witted about it, I would retorted, “He’s here to repent for his sins, of course.”

I didn’t say that, though.  Instead I shrugged and told her I had no idea.

Better to keep my mouth shut than to say something inappropriate in church.

Of course, that’s how things work in this synod.   Apparently I was properly engrained after all.

4 Comments »

1. 

   The forgiving and altruistic part of me wants to say “He’s paid his debt.” The realist in me wants to say “Once a pedophile, always a pedophile.” Unless, of course, he’s been chemically castrated.

   Comment by lceel — September 28, 2008 @ 6:31 pm

2. 

   Okay, so you HAD to know this comment was coming…..

   First of all, Pedophile: Wrong. Should not be working in a place with kids. Paid his debt to society, great. Forgiven: Between him and God. Should be working near kids: NO. No. No. Absolutely NOT.

   As for a sermon about giving: It is the great burden of the pastor. Because here’s the thing - they are trying to minister to people. It’s really hard to minister to people in a cardboard box on the street. Yes. The church has bills to pay. And also, the pastor makes a salary. If you know someone who can donate 70 hours a week to counseling, hospital visits, prayers with hurting people, sermons, bible studies, youth classes, potlucks (yeah, Lutherans like to eat?), etc, then let me know. So yes. Every once in awhile a pastor needs to preach about giving. But a pastor needs to talk about giving in all kinds of different ways. A big thing at our church is “Time, Talents, Tithing”.
   Give what you can. Volunteer at the soup shelter. PLay an instrument with the choir. Teach Sunday school. And yes, if you can give money - give what you can. The church is an organization, just like every other charity organization. It needs money to run. And, as a person who does tithe, I can say that’s rewarding to take money and give it back to make a difference - our church has missions, food banks, charity drives, youth programs, free counseling, etc. And the same people who complain about a sermon about giving are the same people who complain when the donuts stop being free, or people are short on teaching materials.
   Maybe I am a little angry about this, but it’s because I have had to defend where my husband makes his living more than once. It’s not like he takes off the top, or dumps the golden plate into his pocket at the end of the service. That makes me infuritated (not at you). And, I sometimes get the feeling that people think a pastor SHOULDN’T get paid. As noted above, he should just be able to “donate” the required 5 days a week, plus all day Sunday, plus evening meetings, plus phone calls to comfort those who are mourning or in the hospital at 3am a couple times a week.
   Sigh. Okay. Rant over.
   However, people should NEVER be guilted into giving money. If that is the tactic this pastor was using, then he needs to change his tune.
   And as for the synod, not everything is how you percieve it. As a visitor, you should recognize that not all churches are this church, and not all pastors are like this one. Just how some people in your hospital are not great, but most are, same goes for any church organization in America. And I’m sad that you had bad experiences in the church, and with a pastor. It’s depressing how someone can fail, and it’s effects reach so far. But, people are human. And as a Christian, I pretty much believe that yes. The church will fail you. Your pastor will fail you. Your friends will fail you. The only person that won’t stumble is the same person you put your faith in.

   Comment by Colleen — September 28, 2008 @ 9:46 pm

3. 

   Lou, agreed. I’m pretty sure it violates his probation terms to be around children. Of course, you can’t tell a child molester they can’t go to church. Right?! *smirk*

   Colleen, I love and respect you! And your comment is appreciated, and I wholly agree with you. Not all churches are bad because they ask for money– regardless of HOW they ask for money. There are bills to pay, mouths to feed… I’m just not sure that an effective sermon revolves around it. I would think that a more effective sermon would talk more about how great God is and what the laws and rules are, etc… of course, that would assume that people are going to church to learn to be a Christian– and the pastor at that point has to make a judgment call as to whom his audience is, and to whom he will direct his attention and words. Mind you, I say this from an objective standpoint because I neither believe this way nor have any intention of changing my beliefs– but to embody this thought with a cliche, you win more flies with honey.

   Alas, agreed… as with any establishment that involves HUMANS, there is apt to be fallacy. That’s what we do– we make mistakes, and if we’re wise, we learn from them. Every organization has its share of mistakes– regardless of their intentions.

   I’m not anti-church. I know many wonderful people who believe this way (you are an excellent example of this, as is one of my dearest friends). I know many wonderful things that have come from the church. The laws given by Christ alone are excellent guidelines for morality and righteousness. I do, however, find it ironic that my visit contained the same experience that so many non-believers/fair-weathered Christians use as an excuse to not go. Honestly though, it’s interesting that a non-believer would have to make up any excuse besides, “I don’t believe that way.”

   Anyway, Colleen, your comments are ALWAYS appreciated. I believe that you and I are cut from the same cloth of logic and objectivity. I’m not dissing the church because it gave me a traditional Lutheran service (I mean, what did I expect?). Instead, I found my own reaction to the experience very interesting, and in order to process it, had to blog about it. Much love!

   Comment by POHA — September 29, 2008 @ 7:00 am

4. 

   I’ll tackle the easy one first. In terms of giving, our church teaches that you are only to give if it is your home church. Visitors are told that they are not supposed to give, but just to enjoy the service. I’ve been a Christian since 1981 and this has always been the case. Also, if you are not financially able to give that is okay. The pastors specifically do not know who give and what amount.

   In terms of a pedophile, I wonder if the church knows this information. If they don’t, it is important that someone, maybe anonymously, give them that information. Recidivism rate is extremely high that he will offend again. If they know the information, what precautions are they taking and are they being responsible. I personally would have a difficult time with this if it were occurring in my church, but it is because of my own personal issues and knowledge of how dangerous this can become. He absolutely needs to be accountable to someone and probably a knowlegable pastor. I’m sorry church is boring to you. Most of the time I enjoy it, but sometimes it is boring. However, more often it is not. But the special holiday ones can be because I’ve heard the message so many times, but other times it touches my heart anew.

   Comment by ClinicallyClueless — September 29, 2008 @ 8:02 am

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