This may seem like a No Shit to you, but if anything sounds new, you may want to take notes.  These are the rules of fighting, and if you don’t follow them, you only look like the asshole to the persons observing you. 1. No name calling.  Name calling is retarded.   You sound like a big whiner when you call someone a name.  Use your words wisely and address the issues you have with the person. 2. Don’t raise your voice.  Again, you look stupid if you can’t convey a thought without raising your voice.  3. Address ONLY the issue at hand.  If you are unsure of what the issue is, perhaps you should think about it prior to opening your mouth. 4. Don’t bring up past shit that you already hashed out.  This one is particularly important for women, because we never fucking forget.  Especially if it’s a transgression committed by a man.  It’s not fair game to bring up something you’ve already fought about.  Either you’re over it or you’re not, and if you’re not over it, then find another solution that will MAKE you get over it. 5. If you have no intention of resolving the problem, don’t even bother bringing it up.  Fighting with someone you have no intentions of making up with is asinine. It’s a waste of energy. And if you intend on resolving the issue and making up with the person, don’t throw blows below the belt. 6. Don’t fight in public.  This falls under the no drama rule.  Contrary to the Jerry Springer belief structure, other people don’t want to see you and the person you’re fighting with acting like idiots.  It’s uncomfortable to those of us around you.  Keep it between the two of you, and don’t come out until you’ve learned how to play well with others.  Don’t talk shit behind someone’s back, because that, too, is stupid.  And these, my friends, are the rules of engagement. Happy fighting!

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