I want to take a moment and talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. It’s something I think about all the time, and it’s something that I think that every single one of us needs to address at some point.

What better time than now? The matter I want to write of is self-esteem. I want you to think about this for a moment– what is self-esteem for you?  What do you think of when you hear those words?

Self Esteem; it’s important, right? It’s something that we all should have, but for far too many of us, self-esteem is something that is poor for us.

• It causes us to make bad decisions and to behave in ways that are not in alignment with how we really feel or with what our real hopes and intentions are.
• Some people stay in dysfunctional or abusive relationships because they have low self-esteem.
• Others will set themselves up for failure, or not act upon the things that will make themselves successful because they don’t believe they can accomplish it.
• Some people are filled with anger and rage, and because it hurts to look inwards, they continue to place blame outwardly on things that are supposedly beyond their control.  People hate other people because ultimately they hate themselves.

Yes, I went there.  Your hate is in misalignment with your own self hatred, and those emotions are a reflection of how you truly feel about yourself.  Don’t believe me?

Take the time to really examine how you talk to yourself.  Examine how your attitudes are reflected into your every day interactions with people you know, people you love, and people you’ll never see again.  What does that look like?  Is it filled with negativity and irritation?  Does it seem like people are just generally bad, or generally ill-willed, generally cold-hearted, or generally just doing things because they know they can irritate you because of it?

Do you ever hear yourself say, “That was so stupid, (self)!” or “Suck it in, you look fat in those jeans,” or “I just have bad luck, I feel like going in my room and hiding,” or any other variation of negative self talk you might say over and over throughout the day– WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING IT!Now that I have you thinking about it, I want you to stop it.  Stop with the negative self comments.

Have you ever heard about the study where the Japanese researcher, Dr. Masaru Emoto, labeled water bottles with various phrases?  He labeled the bottles with things like love, thank you, and soul. Other bottles he labeled with you make me sick, filth, and you fool.  Then he froze the water.   This is the abbreviated version, but the water crystals that formed in the water labeled with good thoughts turned out beautifully (click on the links of the words for photos); they were symmetric, intricately patterned water crystals.  The ones that were labeled with negative things came out chaotic, dissimilar, and disorganized– quite unlike crystals at all! If thoughts can do that to water… and our bodies are made up of approximately 55-60% percent water– WHAT DO THOUGHTS DO TO OUR BODIES?

Hopefully at this point, you’ll begin to understand the significance of self-esteem.  It’s imperative that we use our thoughts towards loving ourselves, and in turn loving everything that is part of our existence! It’s terribly important that we learn to fall in love with ourselves, that we change those negative messages that run in and out of our heads like audio tapes throughout our days.  We must change how we think, and then we will change our minds.  When we change our minds, we change our bodies, we change our reactions, we change our attitudes, and we change our experiences in this lifetime. So how does one go about changing their self-esteem?  Well, it’s a process, and believe me, everyone with good self-esteem must work at it.

For some rare people, it isn’t difficult, but for most people, it’s an every day activity.  No matter how hard you must work at it, with time and practice, I can assure you that it becomes easier.  Yes, there are going to be days that knock you down, and yes, there are other time periods where you won’t struggle at all– you’ll feel invincible.  Make it a point to experience that high feeling you have when you feel invincible– make it a point to feel that way more often than not.  It’s that dedication to loving yourself that will lead you to not feel so knocked down all the time.  It’s that tenacity towards feeling good that will prevent you from staying down on those occasions when things just aren’t right for you.

So, first things first!  First, become aware of what you’re saying and feeling.  Then, decide (and that’s the key word: decide!) that you are going to love yourself.  Then, change how you think.

This is the hard part.  You must catch yourself if you are thinking in ways that are not in alignment with your decision.  You must hear yourself say it, and then change the statement to accurately reflect the new you.

• If you normally would say, “I need to lose a few pounds,” change that thought to say, “I love my beautiful body, and I want to care for it so that it can be healthy and full of energy!”
• If you normally would say, “I’m not smart enough for this or that,” say, “I have a lot of strengths in many areas, and I have all of the means to figure out how to work around this problem.”

Be aware of yourself, of your thoughts, and of your intentions.   When you start feeling angry or irritated, ask yourself if you really want to choose to feel that way.  Is what you’re getting upset over REALLY worth your energy?   Most of the time, it’s not going to be worth it.  If it is worth your energy, focus on a solution– one that works well for you– rather than focusing on the problem.

Now, we have you working on changing your thoughts.  This is a very important process, and it’s very easy to become sidetracked.  Recognize in yourself your human characteristics.  One of the most incredible experiences we have as humans is love.  With love, comes all other emotions.  With emotions, comes the knee-jerk reaction to become sad or fearful.  Those experiences only exist to teach us how to be grateful for those things that cause us discomfort; grateful because it reminds us of the beautiful emotions: joy and love, and a million other things that I won’t take the time to write out, because I know you’re already thinking about them.

Use the things that make you feel low to remind you that feeling low is only the misuse of our energy that we have to feel high! Focus!  Do not be afraid of your emotions, and don’t allow yourself to become caught up in the cycle of dis-ease because you feel low at one time or another.  Remember, feeling low is only a part of this experience.  It doesn’t define you or your worth; it doesn’t mean you have bad luck or that bad things happen to you!  It means you’re human– so rejoice that you have the opportunity to experience it.  If we were emotionless beings, we also could not feel love!  We could not feel happiness and excitement. In accepting that you are human, you accept that you are also learning and making mistakes along the way.

With every mistake, there is a lesson. With every experience that causes you discomfort, there is a moral to the story– a moral that you, as an enlightened individual– are responsible for learning.  Every experience only makes you that much wiser; so do not talk down to yourself because you make a bad decision– show gratitude for your ability to learn from the experience!  Your discovery of how you reacted, how you would prefer to react, and how you will react in the future is one of the most magnificent discoveries you will ever have.  So bring on the experiences!  Learn!  Become whatever and whomever you want to be based upon your knowledge of self and what you want to be!

Giving yourself the permission to be human is a validating experience. Knowing that you are absolutely perfect just the way you are– because you are learning and changing and growing with every experience that you go through– will encourage you to change how you look at yourself and your behaviors.  Knowing that it is our responsibility to take this life experience as an opportunity to grow is what allows us to accept who we are for what we are now… and to dream about who we will be as we grow and change.  (And thrive!)

Embrace all that is you.  Do not regret your past; rather, be thankful that you were able to do the best you could with what you had, and know that you have that much more wisdom for any future challenges.  Do not think negatively about your self or your body.  Don’t affirm that you have crummy luck or crummy circumstances.  Change those thoughts into powerful affirmations of self.

I can assure you that once you become comfortable with yourself, you will become far more comfortable and patient with those around you.  Gradually, you will not feel rageful over anything that you go through. You will learn to redirect your energy into making things better or into having a positive attitude about the circumstances beset before you.  You will begin to realize that all of that energy you spent on feeling bad is now available for you to feel good.

Finally, in order to change your self-esteem, you must become thankful for everything that is positive in your world. Don’t just go through and rotely count your blessings– really FEEL the gratitude you have for everything you love about yourself.  Not sure where to start?  Try something that you might otherwise take for granted, like your health.  Perhaps you have a body part you really love– your eyes, your height, your skin, your legs.  For others, it’s easier to focus on internal characteristics that you love like your personality or your integrity.  Find the things that you feel good about, and remind yourself to use those things to help find other good things about yourself that you like.

If you’re clever, be very clever; if you’re quick, be very quick!  For everything about yourself that you love, give 100% effort.  Start to take pride in those things you love about yourself.  Don’t be afraid of coming off as conceited or cocky– those are emotions you have no business experiencing.  The only people who will see you as those negative things are people who have poor self-esteem themselves!  Instead, delight in your strengths!  Delight in the strengths of the people in your world.  Delight and be happy for yourself and for the accomplishments of others. Build yourself up!  And at the same time, build up the people you are around.  A positive affirmation won’t just make them feel good, it will make YOU feel good.  You’ve heard that passing along a smile can make more smiles, right?  Well, pass along the feeling of feeling GOOD!  I guarantee that you’ll notice more and more people affirming you back, and because you’re honestly feeling it when you say it, they’ll honestly feel it for themselves.  It is a wild fire that will start catching with everyone you come into contact with… And those people who refuse to decide to feel this way will eventually fall aside from your existence. This cycle of good self-esteem will change your life.  I can assure you that you will begin to experience more good feelings in life and fewer bad feelings.  I can assure you that your company will be more desirable and more rewarding for the people around you.  And you will begin to notice that you, too, are happier with the people around you, and that you are more excited about sharing this existence with them. Go forth, my friends, and love yourselves!  Put some effort into changing how you feel about yourself.  Take the energy that you might normally feel on being fearful or sad and put it into being elated and enamored with your life.  After all, you create it.

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