Aug 28

Several lessons from today

Education, Life, PMS, Perspective Add comments

Some things from tonight:

Organic Chemistry sort of makes my brain hurt.  I have to do a lot of thinking.  I need to spend a lot of time with this stuff so it makes sense to me.  I will need to spend at minimum three hours of on my own with the books/internet resources time for every hour of class time.

On relationships: I am more offended by the person presenting the gossip to me than by the person gossiping about me.   I will end relationships over this.  It is so glaringly obvious when a person is trying to start drama with me that it takes a lot for me to allow myself positive caring emotion about that person again.

Having an un-spayed female dog around is very validating.  Ever need to try to understand PMS?  Be around a dog right before she starts her menstrual cycle.  I can be more like that bitch than would be expected.  I cannot look at my education as a reason for sacrifice, because if I did, I wouldn’t do it.  There is no sacrifice in this experience.  The journey is far more important than the destination.  It’s a good thing I enjoy pushing myself hard.  It has nothing to do with giving up things now– it has everything to do with absorbing as much information as possible with one particular goal in mind.

Perhaps there is something to loving the dark sides of me.  Perhaps if I embrace the polar opposites of everything I strive to be, I can allow what I don’t want to be to exist, but not define me.  There is much to be said about self-acceptance and self-love.  It leads to an inexplicable ability to love others.  Might be on to something with that.

People believe in me.  And it’s exactly as it should be. And it was.

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