The way we are doing things here as a culture is NOT working.

America is broken.

Fanning the fires with the media’s unrelenting coverage, there is copious talk of recession– bordering depression-era– fallout of the financial marketplace.  It’s not just here in the U.S., it’s throughout much of the western empire.  Housing markets are crashing.  The value of our currency is plummeting.   The masses of us who rely upon credit for our lifestyles are quickly discovering that the amounts we borrowed were only theoretical and can no longer be extended.  It’s leaving the working class in a bind.  The frivolous Can’t-Live-Withouts are quickly becoming the fat we trim from our wallets.

We’ve created a monster, and the monster is made up of our worthless dollar bills.

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Things are looking brighter– every minute of every day.  I’m closer to accomplishing my goals!  I’m SO excited for the semester’s end!  I’ve been exhausted from all of the many changes that have pushed me forward to this point, and I’m looking forward for the deep sigh of relief I’ll let out as soon as I’m through the next two weeks! 

I’m pretty impressed with the new site.  This has been a long time coming, and I’m grateful for all of the encouragement I’ve received from you all in getting this to where it’s at now.   In the process of uploading all of the content prior to this blog, I have had the opportunity to revisit all of my past blogs.  It has truly been a time of reflection!

I have had so many amazing experiences in the last few years.  I am amazed at how the tone of my writing has evolved– and how much things have changed for me since the beginning of my blogging days.  In the last few years I’ve learned SO much– about life and more importantly, about myself.  I’m pleased with where I’m at!

Keeping a blog and then looking back at it has allowed me to really follow my own cyclic nature.  It has allowed me “free therapy” and helped me to sort out my thoughts.  It’s allowed me the opportunity to really delve deeply into my mind and emotions and to be comfortable with myself.  You can’t really lie to yourself when you have hundreds of readers there to call you out when you say something contrary to what you’ve said in the past… and it’s been helpful for me to acknowledge how I really feel when I type something out that doesn’t ring true.

So… here is the next level, the next step so to speak, in my process.  I want you to feel welcome here and to encourage your thoughts and comments. 

Thank you for joining me along the way.  I love you all!

Growth and change and patience and growth and change and patience and growth and change and patience… I’m seeing a pattern.

Growth in who I am, how I feel, how I feel about myself. Growth in my knowledge.  Growth in my understanding.  Growth in my awareness and in my acceptance.

Change.  Fuck, there’s change. 

Patience.  Good Goddess, how much more do I have to BE?!?  I thought I was a patient person, but…

I have news for me.  I have more to learn.  I am learning every day.  Every moment. 

I am learning that every time I start to feel like I’ll never reach my goal at this pace, that it is the journey which is a majority of my experience.  The journey is the climax, the focus, the ride along the way.  Never losing sight of my goals, I can still spend the time it takes to just BE.  And BE satisfied.  If I were to die tomorrow, would I look back and say mine was a fruitful life?  Absolutely, even if I never reached that big Pie In The Sky Goal.  I suppose it’s my tenacity in continuing on along a seemingly endless road that I like most about me.  That and my charming good looks.  *wink*  (more…)

…so many things going through my head…

Our lives have the ability to change if we allow for it.

Mine has done just that.  Like the leaves sucking up their chlorophyll in the fall, it appears I have sucked up my resources, my previously defined sustenance, and all looks to be a significantly lighter shade of yellow now.  Yellow like the sunshine. The difference is that my changing colors are much quicker than the seasons… my changing colors are happening so quickly that my dormant period is much subtler… almost undetectable.

Before I know it, right before my eyes, it is springtime again in my experience.  All those that fall away with Fall will soon be forgotten.  With every breath I take, there are new flowers blooming.  Bright colors, warmth, and love-filled gasps of air that fill my lungs make me feel like my chest might burst with laughter.

With great risk comes even greater reward.  I walk the plank with confidence.  Below me is a sea of magnificent depth and power.  I belong to it, and it belongs to me.

Often times this part of the year brings to me sorrow that the summer is over, the year is nearly finished, and another three hundred and sixty-five days of my life are winding down to their end… Everything that is green is now dying and the days are getting shorter. It’s dark out by the time I am done with classes, and I don’t get to be outside nearly as much as I’d like to be.  It’s getting cooler, and soon I’ll be bundling myself up instead of basking in the sunshine…Not this year, though.  This year, I understand the complexity of the changing seasons.  This year I can appreciate the colours of the changing leaves and I can look back on the first three quarters of this year and feel a sense of accomplishment and growth.  It’s amazing how only a short amount of time can change a person.  How wonderful it is that I can say that I truly feel rewarded by the changes that I’ve created!  There’s a reason the leaves change colour, you know.  The days begin to grow shorter, and the angle of the sun in the sky changes.  As the sun moves lower in sky, the angle of the light from it piercing the atmosphere changes.  This changes the spectrum of light that hits our trees.  Trees make food from photosynthesis, which is a sugar-conversion process that requires light.  Chlorophyll is the green colouring in leaves that reflects only green light and absorbs all of the other colours of light so that the plants can make food for themselves.  When the light spectrum changes, they have to adjust their colouring so that they can reflect different colours of light and absorb more green light.  These colourants are called carotenoids, and they are generally reds, oranges, and yellows.  The plants detect the changes in the length of daylight, and then produce less chlorophyll and more carotenoids.  They do this so they can absorb the most light and make the most amount of food possible before the temperatures drop dramatically, along with their leaves.  It’s a brilliant process that utilizes several different processes within a plant, and it’s all done without a master “brain” or something specifically telling the plant what to do.  Just think.  If a plant can compensate for the changing seasons this perfectly, imagine what we as sentient creatures can do!  We are completely endowed with all of the tools necessary to be prepared as times change, as we are presented new opportunities for growth.. We are designed so consummately that we are entirely ready and able to move on as life brings us new challenges and experiences.  Knowing this is absolutely the winning side of the battle.  It’s difficult not to be filled with joy as I watch these magnificent trees change their coats.  As I walk past these canvases covered with such an amazing palette of pigments, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with elation, knowing I am an extraordinary creature, created perfectly, able to conquer all things and all challenges presented before me.  In spite of the changing seasons and changing times, I am still able and designed to THRIVE.

Why are you so angry?The world really, truly isn’t out to get you. The drama that you are stirring up is 110% self created. Really.  Calm your spirit, charge your soul. For all you know, this may be the only opportunity you have to experience today– to experience this lifetime. Today is far too short to be angry.  Spend your energy wisely. 

So much. So much has come and gone. I feel so much and feel so empty. I wish for some quiet time in my head. Not alone.  But quite. So much can cause so much distress. And regardless of what you know, regardless of what you do…You just keep on learning.