Into The Rabbit Hole

Watch me

It’s amazing how I have been able to pick up just the right book for just the right time in this life. I’m currently reading The Great Cosmic Mother, which is a history book on religion and women in religion. It talks about ancient beliefs, ancient worship, ritual, and idolatry. The underlying theme is that history forgets to include the dramatic role women played in religion, and that much of today’s patriarchal religion is to blame. It was an intentional omission– one that would ensure that those who have come to be In Charge remain In Charge. (conspiracy theory part a)

Along with the synchronicity in the things I’m reading and learning about, I’ve found that the simplest “coincidences” have left me astonished. For instance, in my recent reads, I have seen a general repeating theory that time as we understand it has a dramatic change on December 21st, 2012. Some call it the end of time, some call it a great awakening. As of yet, I’m no authority on the subject, but I am going to give you a tiny glimpse of what I’m learning, in layman’s terms. (conspiracy theory part a2/b)

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Ms. Ashley Brones, author and psychiatrist, of Denver, Colorado passed away in Venice,
Italy on June 4th, 2067. She was 87. Ashley (Ash) lived a full life, earning her medical
degree in 2019, and continuing on to pave an extensive path in psychiatric and
psychosocial research. She is best known for writing best seller “The Things We Do”
and “Why People Don’t Quack Like Ducks,” but her research has also made a lasting and dramatic impact on the science of understanding chemical behaviors in humans. She was a renowned psychiatrist, and touched every life she came in contact with. Ash will be remembered for her unending and tenacious persistence in accomplishing every goal she set forth to do. She is survived by an unending extended family– a network of people who loved her very much. We love you!

I had to write my own obituary for my human development class. I thought I would share it with you all!!!

Life is short… Have fun with it!

Good things just seem to happen to me.

There’s a lot in my head right now, a lot floating around, and I’m trying to interpret it all– trying to figure out what is important to share and what isn’t. I wanted to tell you all about the good fortune I that is coming upon me.

First, there are the gifts. I have received so many gifts recently, it makes me smile to think of it. Today, I got a ride home from an old friend and a co-worker who stopped by the bus stop while I was waiting. “Where you headed?” I told them, and they said, “Get in!” so I did. I rode to my destination with friends. However, I must add that I’ve learned one really important rule: Never trust a man who brakes with his left foot. *chuckle* I’ve been given homemade cookies from a classmate. A beautiful jade plant from one of the facilities guys. A homemade pumpkin muffin from one of our nurses. Good advice from my mentor… so many gifts!!! And you know what else? I realized that people are REALLY nice to me at work. I pass people in the hall, and I get smiles, constantly. People ask me how my day is or how school is going… people who I don’t really even know. They care, and they smile. Gifts… Read the rest of this entry »

Hi!

I have some good news!

I am now a member of the Golden Key National Honor Society.  This happened last week!  I can add this to my list of other honors (pardon me while I toot my horn…) I have been on the Vice President’s Honor Roll twice… and I’m also a member of the Psychology honor society Psy Chi.  (yay!) So, now I have one more thing to add to my record.  Yay!!!  It’s all about adding these things up to increase my value to an admission committee so I can get into medical school.  Read the rest of this entry »

Just a moment ago, I just went off in this blog box about my education and how it irritates me that sometimes people think that I cannot both Be In a Relationship and Not Be Distracted From my Education.

Then I decided that too many people would take that as something I’m saying directly to them and figured I should probably erase it all for the sake of not causing more trouble for myself than I already do. 

So, here’s what it comes down to:  This is what I’m doing.  I’m working on my degree, working towards a goal.  Just like any other creature does what it does, I am a student, working towards eventually becoming a doctor.  It’s how I’m progressing through my career. This is me following my heart’s desire, and there’s nothing to distract me from it! This IS what I DO!

I dislike the theory that relationships are a distraction.  I mean, I understand the sentiment, but I find it unreasonable to think that one should lock oneself in a tower for several years until they reach all their enormous goals.  That isn’t LIVING!  Instead, I must enjoy the experience.  Every single day, as challenging as they are, are MINE, and I own them.  This is my time.  I’m not just hanging around until I make the right scenarios for myself so I can finally invite someone in whom I can share this with.  Besides, I’d rather ultimately spend time with someone who has stuck with me through all of my challenges and experienced this adventure along with me– rather than meet someone who knows me as I am in the future and not how or where I came from.  Does that make sense? 

This leads me to address some reactions I get when I respond to “What are you doing this weekend?” with “[Fill in the blank with whatever homework I’m working on.]”  For the love of Neil, do NOT respond with “I’m sorry!”  Jebus, how miserable does that sound?  “I’m sorry [that you’re so disciplined and following your heart.]” Lame.  Or here’s another good one, “you’re working hard, and I know you miss your friends, but this is the sacrifice you have to make in order reach your goals!”  Eff that!!  The energy I spend to reach my goals absolutely CANNOT be considered to be sacrificial.  If I was sacrificing anything I wouldn’t do it.  I need to love my decisions and love the effort I put into this.  Otherwise, I might as well quit now and find some other passion to fill my time.  

That is all. 

Thanks for letting me sound off there. 

I’m doing this to prove to myself that I can.

A mentor advised me to not compare myself to my competition, because ultimately how well I do has little to do with my competition and everything to do with me setting standards against myself for which I can break.

My greatest competition, truly then, is myself.

Only *I* am as capable as me.  Only *I* am my worst critic.  As long as I am honest with myself, then only *I* am the person I must answer to.

I take it all on because I want to.  There is no other decision-maker but myself.  And because I believe this, I know that I create it.  I pick my attitude about it.  I pick my strategies.  I have always done this alone.

I’m not alone any longer.  I have the support I desire. Yet, I am not a part, I am a complementary whole.

It is this sort of selfishness that is necessary.  This “selfishness” is expected from a person with such knowledge of their control over their experience, such awareness.  “Selflessness” in this perspective is not only a detriment, but a self-failure.  A failure of self.

This is not to judge others in their experience, because as they are is what they are.  Everyone, whether they’re aware of it or not, is responsible for their own path.  Their own challenges… and whether they choose to blame or throw responsibility elsewhere is their own decision, again, their own creation.  I understand now what he meant when an old friend stated that it is our job to love people for exactly where they’re at.  It’s not a judgment, it is an acceptance.  Not an allowance, an embracing joy for I know that I have chosen my own path, perfectly.

To be marked with my decisions holds great responsibility.

To take great risk, is to find even greater reward.

And I welcome it.

Have you ever heard someone say, “So, this is it.”

Only if you choose it to be “it.”

This is only the beginning.  This may be “it” but only as long as you allow “it” to be. 

Have you ever dreamt something SO big that you didn’t know HOW you would ever have it?  Have you ever thought something was so unreachable that you didn’t even think of trying? 

That’s the beauty of our time here.  We can dream big… bigger than we can imagine… and until you’ve been given the opportunity to act upon those dreams, they will only ever be dreams.  But if for one moment you believe you can have them, and you can act upon them, then they are YOURS.  What you wish for you will have!

I’m living my dreams.  I have everything I have ever wanted.  I have the next big things to dream about.  And they’re coming!  Can you feel it?  Read the rest of this entry »

I got my first stethoscope and blood pressure cuff today.  Yaaaaaaay!!!Thank you, Johnny!!! *hugs*I am super excited to be able to listen to my heart beat.  For the first time in my life, I know I’m alive!  It’s so beautiful ker-klunking away under my breast…It’s big, yunno. (my heart, not my boob, silly)

I don’t feel the cohesion between myself and my friends lately.  It’s sort of a lonely feeling, though I am confident in my abilities to go forward in this life by myself.  I’m not sure I can put my finger on it, but it seems that elation I initially had when I fell into this group of people may have faded.  There’s been no drama (thankfully), and nothing in particular I can put my fingers on… it just seems the paths have changes, roles have changed, and the summer has passed. 

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