Hello, my beloveds, Change is happening. I am much like a butterfly pushing my way out of a crusty cocoon. I don’t know how long this will take, but I am eager to learn how to fly.

Hmmm. Always taking inventory and assigning a value…Here are some things I looooove:I love my city being immersed in fog. (yes I said my)
I love driving on the highway when there’s very little other traffic around.
I love being surrounded with people who love me.
I love nicely placed black tattoos on sexy men.
I love alfredo noodles with parmesan and pepper at midnight.
I love that it rained yesterday. 
I love Raine.
I love sunshine and springtime and daffodils and tulips.
I love shooting guns.
I love that I followed sunshine, springtime, and flowers with guns.
I love watching a handsome man shooting a gun.
I love the smell of gunpowder.
I love the adrenaline that gets pumping through my body when guns are fired around me.
I love studying Chemistry.
I love studying people.
I love human behavior.
I love it when people finally open up to me.
I love hearing people talk about things they’re passionate about.
I love passion.
I love running into old friends.
I love the “new” Justin Timberlake CD.
I love playing poker, especially when I win all the chips.  I win!
I love learning new card tricks.
I love being called “sweetheart” and not having it be patronizing.
I love plants and people who can grow them.
I love my friends.
I love my people.
I love my pretty people.
I love my job.  Like really love it.
This whole experience, it’s pretty rad.

Feeling good is the fuel for success. Sometimes I forget to feel good.  However, as a powerful creator, I must focus on feeling good… I must focus on that amazing feeling I have when I can look up at the world around me, can raise my palms up in gratitude, and can really appreciate what my experience is RIGHT THIS MINUTE.I forget this sometimes.  I get caught up in feeling uncomfortable emotions– even if they’re not conducive to creating everything I want… even if the only result of continuing those feelings is a lower vibration, a lower mood, a lower experience.  I forget. But I’ve been reminded today.  I’ve been reminded that I need to pay attention to my mood.  I need to pay attention and do whatever is necessary to feel good… Feel good… Feel MAGNIFICENT! Why choose to feel anything different?  I believe that I was once under the fatal belief that we have no control over our emotions.  I remember hearing my past teachers say: “You cannot help who you fall in love with.  You cannot be responsible for your emotions, because that’s just how you feel.”   This is absolutely NOT the TRUTH. The truth is that YOU are the ONLY person responsible for your feelings. YOU are the only one who controls your emotions.  YOU are the only one who makes you FEEL ANYTHING!! Do not be a victim of your circumstances.  Be empowered. You can have and experience ANYTHING.  You can BE anything you want!  Do you want wealth?  Define wealth!  Do you want health?  Define health! Do you want love?  Define love!  Figure out what you want, and then paint yourself a picture of what it is that you want.   Find that gratitude feeling within your heart– that actual feeling you will feel once you have what you want.  Wrap your fingers around that gratitude feeling.  Wrap your brain around feeling good about what it is that you want.  Keep feeling good… and you will attract to you PRECISELY what it is that you want.

I believe that life is beautiful.I believe that good things happen.Where ever I go, people smile at me.  Where ever I go, people are kind to me.I’m not sure if it’s because I expect these things that they happen.  I believe that generally speaking, what you expect is what you get.I believe in the good intentions of people. I believe that many people are so accustomed to negativity that they forget to be nice; but they also are thrilled when someone is kind to them.I believe that life is filled with great experiences.  I believe that you can generally have whatever you want.  I believe that what I think about is what I bring about.  I believe that life can be absolutely phenomenal… and that it should be!!!

I was thinking about going off about how stupid and childish someone is acting, but then I decided that giving them that emotion is really not where I want to direct all that energy.

So instead of venting in my blog, I am going to put out good things, hoping that my passion for the good things will create more… good things.  Whatever you think passionately about is what you create more of.  Instead of focusing on what is right now, focus on what you are intentionally creating… right?  (What is right now is a result of past passionate thinking.)

So, no more negative emotions are going to be directed at this person or situation.   Instead, I choose to focus on kinder, gentler, happier things.  I choose to relinquish all negative energy, and let it be what it is while I turn my eyes to the things that make me happy.

I am going to tell you about the things I am happy about!

I am super happy that today, my doctors’ boss called me to tell me about a receptionist position that is opening up at the University Hospital.  In case this doesn’t click, I need to remind you that the University Hospital is the hospital that shoots off from the medical school I intend on going to.  I am quite certain that if I work at the University, I will meet people who will give me stellar recommendation letters to assist me into the medical school.  Boo-yah.

(more…)

It seems like just yesterday I was turning twenty-one.  Just yesterday, but eons and eons ago.  Different worlds, different thoughts, different minds, different priorities.

I can’t believe how far I’ve come…I’ve made big decisions and I’ve made big mistakes.  But everything I’ve done has made me who I am right this minute. And thank goddess for that. I cannot believe the state of joy I’m experiencing.  I have a quote for you: “Joy is how the universe reminds you that you’re alive,” (Marc Rosenbush). I never thought I’d fall in love like this.  I never thought I’d ever be this happy and fulfilled.  I never thought I’d be this calm and complete… It is what you make of it.   Of course, I’m still allowed to feel sad or hormonal or anxious sometimes, but now I’m never down for long.

What an amazing experience this life is… to finally be comfortable in my own skin.  What an amazing difference discovering the Law of Attraction has made for me…  I’m a completely changed woman.  Can you tell?

I want to take a moment and talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. It’s something I think about all the time, and it’s something that I think that every single one of us needs to address at some point. 

What better time than now? The matter I want to write of is self-esteem.   I want you to think about this for a moment– what is self-esteem for you?  What do you think of when you hear those words? 

Self Esteem; it’s important, right?  It’s something that we all should have, but for far too many of us, self-esteem is something that is poor for us.  

• It causes us to make bad decisions and to behave in ways that are not in alignment with how we really feel or with what our real hopes and intentions are. 
• Some people stay in dysfunctional or abusive relationships because they have low self-esteem.
  
• Others will set themselves up for failure, or not act upon the things that will make themselves successful because they don’t believe they can accomplish it.
  
• Some people are filled with anger and rage, and because it hurts to look inwards, they continue to place blame outwardly on things that are supposedly beyond their control.  People hate other people because ultimately they hate themselves.
  

Yes, I went there.  Your hate is in misalignment with your own self hatred, and those emotions are a reflection of how you truly feel about yourself.  Don’t believe me? 

Take the time to really examine how you talk to yourself.  Examine how your attitudes are reflected into your every day interactions with people you know, people you love, and people you’ll never see again.  What does that look like?  Is it filled with negativity and irritation?  Does it seem like people are just generally bad, or generally ill-willed, generally cold-hearted, or generally just doing things because they know they can irritate you because of it? 

Do you ever hear yourself say, “That was so stupid, (self)!” or “Suck it in, you look fat in those jeans,” or “I just have bad luck, I feel like going in my room and hiding,” or any other variation of negative self talk you might say over and over throughout the day– WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING IT!Now that I have you thinking about it, I want you to stop it.  Stop with the negative self comments. 

Have you ever heard about the study where the Japanese researcher, Dr. Masaru Emoto, labeled water bottles with various phrases?  He labeled the bottles with things like love, thank you, and soul.  Other bottles he labeled with you make me sick, filth, and you fool.  Then he froze the water.   This is the abbreviated version, but the water crystals that formed in the water labeled with good thoughts turned out beautifully (click on the links of the words for photos); they were symmetric, intricately patterned water crystals.  The ones that were labeled with negative things came out chaotic, dissimilar, and disorganized– quite unlike crystals at all!  If thoughts can do that to water… and our bodies are made up of approximately 55-60% percent water– WHAT DO THOUGHTS DO TO OUR BODIES?

Hopefully at this point, you’ll begin to understand the significance of self-esteem.  It’s imperative that we use our thoughts towards loving ourselves, and in turn loving everything that is part of our existence! It’s terribly important that we learn to fall in love with ourselves, that we change those negative messages that run in and out of our heads like audio tapes throughout our days.  We must change how we think, and then we will change our minds.  When we change our minds, we change our bodies, we change our reactions, we change our attitudes, and we change our experiences in this lifetime.  So how does one go about changing their self-esteem?  Well, it’s a process, and believe me, everyone with good self-esteem must work at it. 

For some rare people, it isn’t difficult, but for most people, it’s an every day activity.  No matter how hard you must work at it, with time and practice, I can assure you that it becomes easier.  Yes, there are going to be days that knock you down, and yes, there are other time periods where you won’t struggle at all– you’ll feel invincible.  Make it a point to experience that high feeling you have when you feel invincible– make it a point to feel that way more often than not.  It’s that dedication to loving yourself that will lead you to not feel so knocked down all the time.  It’s that tenacity towards feeling good that will prevent you from staying down on those occasions when things just aren’t right for you.

So, first things first!  First, become aware of what you’re saying and feeling.  Then, decide (and that’s the key word: decide!) that you are going to love yourself.  Then, change how you think. 

This is the hard part.  You must catch yourself if you are thinking in ways that are not in alignment with your decision.  You must hear yourself say it, and then change the statement to accurately reflect the new you. 

• If you normally would say, “I need to lose a few pounds,” change that thought to say, “I love my beautiful body, and I want to care for it so that it can be healthy and full of energy!”
  
• If you normally would say, “I’m not smart enough for this or that,” say, “I have a lot of strengths in many areas, and I have all of the means to figure out how to work around this problem.”
  

Be aware of yourself, of your thoughts, and of your intentions.   When you start feeling angry or irritated, ask yourself if you really want to choose to feel that way.  Is what you’re getting upset over REALLY worth your energy?   Most of the time, it’s not going to be worth it.  If it is worth your energy, focus on a solution– one that works well for you– rather than focusing on the problem.

Now, we have you working on changing your thoughts.  This is a very important process, and it’s very easy to become sidetracked.  Recognize in yourself your human characteristics.  One of the most incredible experiences we have as humans is love.  With love, comes all other emotions.  With emotions, comes the knee-jerk reaction to become sad or fearful.  Those experiences only exist to teach us how to be grateful for those things that cause us discomfort; grateful because it reminds us of the beautiful emotions: joy and love, and a million other things that I won’t take the time to write out, because I know you’re already thinking about them. 

Use the things that make you feel low to remind you that feeling low is only the misuse of our energy that we have to feel high!  Focus!  Do not be afraid of your emotions, and don’t allow yourself to become caught up in the cycle of dis-ease because you feel low at one time or another.  Remember, feeling low is only a part of this experience.  It doesn’t define you or your worth; it doesn’t mean you have bad luck or that bad things happen to you!  It means you’re human– so rejoice that you have the opportunity to experience it.  If we were emotionless beings, we also could not feel love!  We could not feel happiness and excitement.  In accepting that you are human, you accept that you are also learning and making mistakes along the way. 

With every mistake, there is a lesson.  With every experience that causes you discomfort, there is a moral to the story– a moral that you, as an enlightened individual– are responsible for learning.  Every experience only makes you that much wiser; so do not talk down to yourself because you make a bad decision– show gratitude for your ability to learn from the experience!  Your discovery of how you reacted, how you would prefer to react, and how you will react in the future is one of the most magnificent discoveries you will ever have.  So bring on the experiences!  Learn!  Become whatever and whomever you want to be based upon your knowledge of self and what you want to be! 

Giving yourself the permission to be human is a validating experience.  Knowing that you are absolutely perfect just the way you are– because you are learning and changing and growing with every experience that you go through– will encourage you to change how you look at yourself and your behaviors.  Knowing that it is our responsibility to take this life experience as an opportunity to grow is what allows us to accept who we are for what we are now… and to dream about who we will be as we grow and change.  (And thrive!)

Embrace all that is you.  Do not regret your past; rather, be thankful that you were able to do the best you could with what you had, and know that you have that much more wisdom for any future challenges.  Do not think negatively about your self or your body.  Don’t affirm that you have crummy luck or crummy circumstances.  Change those thoughts into powerful affirmations of self.  

I can assure you that once you become comfortable with yourself, you will become far more comfortable and patient with those around you.  Gradually, you will not feel rageful over anything that you go through. You will learn to redirect your energy into making things better or into having a positive attitude about the circumstances beset before you.  You will begin to realize that all of that energy you spent on feeling bad is now available for you to feel good. 

Finally, in order to change your self-esteem, you must become thankful for everything that is positive in your world.  Don’t just go through and rotely count your blessings– really FEEL the gratitude you have for everything you love about yourself.  Not sure where to start?  Try something that you might otherwise take for granted, like your health.  Perhaps you have a body part you really love– your eyes, your height, your skin, your legs.  For others, it’s easier to focus on internal characteristics that you love like your personality or your integrity.  Find the things that you feel good about, and remind yourself to use those things to help find other good things about yourself that you like. 

If you’re clever, be very clever; if you’re quick, be very quick!  For everything about yourself that you love, give 100% effort.  Start to take pride in those things you love about yourself.  Don’t be afraid of coming off as conceited or cocky– those are emotions you have no business experiencing.  The only people who will see you as those negative things are people who have poor self-esteem themselves!  Instead, delight in your strengths!  Delight in the strengths of the people in your world.  Delight and be happy for yourself and for the accomplishments of others. Build yourself up!  And at the same time, build up the people you are around.  A positive affirmation won’t just make them feel good, it will make YOU feel good.  You’ve heard that passing along a smile can make more smiles, right?  Well, pass along the feeling of feeling GOOD!  I guarantee that you’ll notice more and more people affirming you back, and because you’re honestly feeling it when you say it, they’ll honestly feel it for themselves.  It is a wild fire that will start catching with everyone you come into contact with… And those people who refuse to decide to feel this way will eventually fall aside from your existence. This cycle of good self-esteem will change your life.  I can assure you that you will begin to experience more good feelings in life and fewer bad feelings.  I can assure you that your company will be more desirable and more rewarding for the people around you.  And you will begin to notice that you, too, are happier with the people around you, and that you are more excited about sharing this existence with them.  Go forth, my friends, and love yourselves!  Put some effort into changing how you feel about yourself.  Take the energy that you might normally feel on being fearful or sad and put it into being elated and enamored with your life.  After all, you create it.

I feel happier now than I’ve felt in my entire life. I’ve felt this happy for several months now. It’s overwhelming and scary and so unusual that I keep wondering if there’s something that I’m not catching, something I’m forgetting, or something I should be worried about. And then I remember that this reaction is the silliest thing I’ve ever thought– totally natural, but completely, 100% silly! Why question happiness?  Was I SO unhappy in my previous lifetime (it seems like a lifetime ago) that I felt that was the only way things were?How fucking sad is that?  And as I sit here writing this, I can feel your head nodding, too, because I’ll bet you that you’ve thought it or felt it, too.  Can it really be that we condition ourselves to deal with the shit and dramas of life that we forget that life should be easy?  That we can be purely, truly, absolutely, exponentially HAPPY???I challenge you to change the way you think, if you haven’t already begun to do so.  I challenge you to be inspired, to be happy, to be free from all fear, hatred, and anger. Here’s a brilliant quote by one of my favorite psychologists:“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”Abraham Maslow
1908-1970, PsychologistSo apt.  So appropriate. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.  (Don’t quote me on this last one. I totally stole it from somewhere.) 

You must think I am.

I want to be the light shining on your path, the song that fills your heart.  I want to be your diamond. You must think I’m crazy…the crazy girl gushing how beautiful life is…  the crazy girl constantly reminding you she’s found the secret… the crazy girl’s head so far in the clouds she wouldn’t even notice if she tripped over something and fell down…Crazybeautiful.

I sat down with a friend today.  She had a sullen heart.  She didn’t think she’d fit in with the crazy people who light up my soul.  She didn’t want to try.  She saw the bliss in my eyes and I saw sorrow on her heart.  I wanted to give it to her, place the beauty in the palms of her hands; she didn’t want to take it from me.

Crazybeautiful.  You’ll know you have it… you are the person talking about happiness… everyone sees the glowing inside. You’ve told me now that I am.  How I bring a smile to your lips.  How I shine in your eyes. I want to be that, and that’s what I am to you.  How blessed it is to BE. You’re not alone.  I’m not, either.  We’re all crazybeautiful. 
And I love you.

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