Into The Rabbit Hole

You think I’m beautiful
until I cross you

 A woman you cherish
until we disagree

 You adore my charms, my quirks my idiosyncrasies
until I make a mistake, (I *am* human after all)

You’ll love me forever
conditionally.

Ye, for I pronounce in the name of all before me,
For every transgression, every sin
For every crime committed ‘gainst myself
‘Gainst you, in thought word and deed,
THIS is my penance,

For every moment I called out in silence,
“It wasn’t arbitrary,”
For every time I thought twice about you,
For every curse I brought upon myself
THIS is my communion

I awake on a bright Sunday morning,
Can smell the sweat on his buoyant skin
Can taste the salt of his body ‘pon my lips
Can hear the sound of his breath
Pulsating in rhythms ‘cross my cheek
THIS is my penance

No number of Hail Marys can commit me
To the solitude I would walk without him
To the silence of his slumber
In a bed far ‘cross my world
No number of promises of afterlife
No heavenly aspiration
Can set me free from my trespasses
As he who lays against me
THIS is my communion

No threat of hell is so great
As the one could have found me
As the crimes I have committed
Have entrenched me between his fingers
And for this I drop to my knees
In pleasurable penance
Body and blood I consume him
I commune

So, while I didn’t win the Miss Apogaea, I *did* get through the first round and all my friends now think I’m really cool.  (I didn’t win because it was fate that the woman wearing only duct tape and doing impromptu dance was to win.)“goddess & demon”

goddess great, goddess good
watching from within
my godess watches quietly
as every goddess should

she sparks my lips
and makes you smile
my goddess is a queen
she lies within my sparkling eyes
and quiets when she’s seen

she’s bright and clear and heavenly
but she is not alone
my goddess watches patiently
the demon slides right in

“you little shit!”
you fucking bitch!
you get down on your knees!”
she obliges willingly
my goddess likes to please

my demon grins and starts to laugh
the goddess shrinks away
all goodness starts to fade a bit
my demon likes to play 

“I’ll bite your lips, your finger tips
I’ll even pull your hair
I’ll tie you up,
Buttercup
don’t smile like you don’t care!”

my breathe will singe your throat, your jaw
my nails will pierce your skin
the goddess giggles nervously
a demon never wins

she’s all strapped up
she’s whipped, restrained
she quivers and she sighs
her breast begins to rise and fall
slits become my goddess’ eyes

my demon rips her fingertips
across sweet goddess flesh
a smoking whim, a breathless moan
she rubs her molten mouth
‘cross my good goddess’ lips

bite you, burn you, brand you, kiss you
my demon stakes her claim
a lust-filled whine, a pause in time
my goddess gasps in pain

in ecstacy, in a submissive stance
my goddess finds her power
without more than a second glance
my goddess bares her flower

my demon may, in words and strikes
have aggressed herself upon me
but when it comes to playful fights
the one in charge
will always the goddess be

“oh playful wretch, you demon you,
you like it when I let you surge
but sexy demon, you wretched wench,
it’s only *I* who allow you to purge”

“your bitter bites, your nipple nibbles
they’re all just fun and games
if you want to really play
I’ll show you just the same”

“touch me soft and lick me low
graze your breath upon me
and if you’re nice I’ll make you smile
I’ll lick you back you’ll see”

“so touch me here you hateful thing
and whisper in my ear
tell me how you like it, Sweet
show me what you want right here”

a goddess and a demon lie
within this quivering body
a little bit of playful pinch
a lot of sweating rubbing
my goddess and my demon play
palms and pulse and fingers wet
a goddess and a demon, I
have given ample notice clearly
and if you haven’t met me yet
consider this your warning

In a swirl of smoke,
my soul is gone…
whispering in his ear, “wake up.”
I’m so tired I think
I collapsed, left
my body behind
weeks ago, excited
my spirit has jumped
out of my bones,
so spent that I am
successful in every aspect
that is Ash…This marathon,
it leaves me
dark circles under my eyes a smile so blinding
that my reflection
only reflects Bright. I’m so close can
taste. These first days
the rest of my life,
the summer sun
and dirt
and sex
and smells…
the adventures,
the stories, the… I am in love, I am
at peace, I am 
type A bursting at her seams,
full throttle,
run-you-over kind of pace…
magnitude, momentum,
enthalpy, entropy,
it’s all a piece
of everything, everyone
ME

The shower was nice.
warm moisture evaporates from my skin. It’s chilly enough in my bedroom that I can see the steam rise. I stand here, clothed in cotton white panties, braiding my hair. It’s snowy outside; the nearly bloomed trees are also covered in a white cloth
I feel raw as they are
Gasping for a hint of sun

mmm. Springtime.
In the front of my mind is you, again.
My skin is cold. I long to press my soft flesh against your warm body…
Your warmth will bleed onto me. Around me. Within me.
Your soul is a foreign language I am eager to learn. To feel your breath on me,
on my neck
on my waist You, I know
but never have
You, the stranger
You, the muse
I can see our fingertips pressed together
in the snow globe, snow flakes dance, catching our lashes
heads thrown back, listening to it fall down around us
The fingerprints on our pads rub against each other
I laugh at the friction
Sensory whore And there’s vibrations
there is energy Where are you now?
I like the contrast
The smell on your mouth
The color of your skin
The thoughts in your mind My dreams are consumed by you
My days devoured
I value these times alone
with myself Alone With my thoughts
I’m quite creative, you should know.

I want to fall into your arms
Hear you say it was so long
Since the last time you held me
I want to hear your heartbeat
Next to my cheek
I want you to say you were mistaken
Lost
Without me by your side
Instead I face you
Smile through my longing
Knowing this is the most I can have
This is the most we can be
And what will you do
When I distract myself
From you
They keep coming back for me
Dancing, laughing
Didn’t they warn her
Not to look back
I, too, shall turn into a pillar of salt

lambency

lam·bent (l m b nt)  adj.

1. Flickering lightly over or on a surface: lambent moonlight.
2. Effortlessly light or brilliant: lambent wit.
3. Having a gentle glow; luminous.

I see a reflection of me in your soul, and it’s resplendent.
The energy that emanates from you is calming and complete.
You are effulgent, and like a moth to a flame, I delight in you.

I want to swallow you whole
and your soul to be mine
to be one with your pulse
your heart
beat tastes like red wine
I want to consume every inch
to become all that is yours
you’ll sweat from my pores
what breath I devour
every part that is you
flicked by my tongue
you’ll not want existence
without me
who is inside of you
in throes of passion you’ll be mine
submit yourself to me
and in nights dark as blackness
I’ll be your fire within

Set upon the path of creation, I embodied the concept that this life is my canvas.
Set upon the path of creation, I imagined being loved beyond imaginable belief.
Set upon the path of creation, I visualized being adored both inside and out. Set upon the path of realization, I allowed myself to be beautiful.
Set upon the path of realization, I acknowledged love and romance were real.
Set upon the path of realization, I opened my eyes and saw just what I was looking for. Set upon the path of receipt, I connected with someone who loved me purely.
Set upon the path of receipt, I accepted that what this is perceived as is exactly what I want.
Set upon the path of receipt, I AM love. Imagine and dream.  Conceptualize and envision. Receive and express gratitude.

when your aim is for perfection
and you aim in one direction
when you brain just can’t keep up
and you only hear “it’s not enough”
when you feel like nowhere’s coming
and it’s coming way too fast
when you feel like only first place
but you always ever end up last

you’ve got to give yourself
a little room to breathe
a little time to think
and a little time to live

you’ve got to give it time
and make this moment count
because if you were to die tonight
can you say what it’s about