Teaching Them to Love Who They Are

“I’m proud of you because ______.”

“You are such a good kid.”

“Thank you for putting forth so much positive effort to get _______ done.”

“Thank you for doing such a good job learning how to ___________.”

“You can choose how you’re going to look at this __________ situation.”

“You are SO smart!”

“You are such a good-hearted kid.”

“I love you more than (peanut butter) loves (jelly).”

I’m currently reading Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life.”

Honestly, it’s a little remedial for me.  I’ve done all of this work on my own self love for so long now that it has become second nature for me to evaluate all of my thoughts–all of the tapes that play in my mind as a reflection of what and how I think and feel about myself.

Yet, in listening to her words, I am reminded of the things that I can say to others.  A lot of what she examines is what we were taught about ourselves within the first ten years of life.  Not only is this an excellent reminder to me that the way I was raised was not terrible.  I was often told how “good” I am and how competent and capable I am– by a number of grown ups who loved me and supported me.  Reading/listening to this also is allowing me to reflect on just how far I’ve come in the last several years, with regards to my own sense of well-being and self love, and most importantly how much I’ve forgiven my parents for the things which knocked me sideways at such a young age.

I’ve come a long way, baby.

Yet, the process is not over.  Instead, having donned the hat of a parent to two young kids, the process cycles back onto itself.   That is perhaps the single greatest realization I have stumbled upon throughout this experience: Parenting forces you to use the tools you have learned from how you were parented.

It reminds me of just how important it is to tell these children the things they need to know from a young age.   Being able to teach them to have faith in themselves, to have confidence in their ability to do anything they want, and to teach them how to make good decisions and take responsibility for the consequences of their decisions is an amazing opportunity.  If all turns out as I plan it, they will not have to battle against the things that we’ve all battled– at least in the arena of self love and sense of worth.

I’ve already incorporated many of those phrases I listed above into my daily conversation with them.  I talk about how proud of them I am in front of them, to other grown ups.  I encourage the positive behaviors that will mold them into amazing adults.  I reiterate, daily, how “good” they are, and how blessed we are.

I know that what I teach them now won’t be the only things they hear as they grow up.  I realize they will still hear messages from other sources (the media, their teachers, their friends, etc), but I hope that what I teach them to take pride in will ultimately over ride the other messages, regardless of how negative or dysfunctional they might be.

Eventually, they will with any “luck,” be fully functional people, filled with a sense of immeasurable self-worth when they reach adulthood.  Life is so much easier and enjoyable when you value your Self.