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Posted in: Life, Self-Esteem by POHA on August 31, 2007
I’ve spent my entire life trying to be perfect.
Why would a person strive for such an impossible goal?
Simply put, I’ve believed (subconsciously, erroneously?) that with perfection comes acceptance.
In every role in my life, I’ve tried to be perfect. So that I can be loved.
It’s a pattern.
There are other patterns, too. Particularly in my relationships with men: be the Perfect Woman so that I can be loved by a man. Of course, I’ve consistently set myself up with failure because I’ve always become involved with the Emotionally Unavailable.
No matter how “perfect” I have been able to portray myself, I have never put myself in the right circumstances for the perfection to pay off. I haven’t realized it until too late, but that’s my pattern.
I recognize this personality flaw in me. It’s far from perfection. In trying my best to be perfect, I have been soliciting myself as a woman without confidence, self love, or worthiness of love. How humbling is that? Instead of reaching my goals, I have realized just how Imperfect I am.
Rather than being disappointed, I am relieved to come across such a discovery. The pressure can finally be removed. I don’t have to be anything other than who I am now.
I am so thankful for this lesson.
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