I create this life.  I’m working on making it exactly what I have dreamed it to be.

Sometimes in the creative processes, I have to make difficult decisions in order to ensure that I am in alignment with the things I dream for myself.  Often I have no idea which decisions are the right ones, how to make them, or what will come of them.   There is no rule book, and I’m doing things with my life that many people don’t really even comprehend.  There’s nothing that states, “If you’re going to choose this lifestyle over the traditional lifestyle that everyone else is doing, then here’s how to do it without a glitch.”  At least those people who choose a traditional lifestyle can have social norms, religious books, and societal expectations to know if they’re doing it right.

A majority of people dream about growing up, getting married, and having children.  At least they have an example of what to do and what not to do in order to be successful at the life they’ve chosen.

On the other hand, I am a non-traditional.  This isn’t just a self-inflicted “title,” I’m non-traditional in every sense of the word.  I didn’t go to college right out of high school, instead, I waited for six years. Once I did decide to go to school, I decided I had better make it worth my time, and that I wanted to work towards becoming a doctor.  I haven’t wanted to get married or make babies; in fact, I think I will be completely fine without giving birth to children of my own, nor do I ever intend on marriage.  Instead, at twenty-six years old, I am a pre-medical student, renting a big house, needing roommates, making decisions that I think might land me exactly where I’m hoping to be.  Luckily for me, I have that freedom to make major decisions, (or major mistakes) if necessary in order to figure out how to achieve the goals I have put before myself.  Unfortunately for the people around me, I must make those decisions, not knowing if they’re the right ones, not knowing exactly how they’ll affect the people I love, and not knowing if I’ll ultimately end up in the place I’ve anticipated.

I suppose I’m not so strange after all.  I guess those people who get married young, buy houses, have children, and lead the “American dream” are probably going through the same processes, even if the experiences are different.  I’m not sure.  It’s hard to say.

I guess this blog is ultimately my disclaimer to this life.   I don’t know if what I’m doing is right.  It feels right.  I’m happy; happier than I’ve ever been before. I am making small progresses that make my heart leap for joy from my chest.  I know that sometimes I’m breaking peoples’ hearts along the way, and for that I’m sorry.  I would like to start the next sentence out with “Unfortunately,” but there’s nothing unfortunate about it…  I understand my responsibility for this life, and I cannot be a victim, a martyr, or merely reactive.  I am creating this and every experience I have along the way. Fortunately I have this creative power.  I might hurt you, and if I do, I’m sorry.  However, know that you, too, have this responsibility and creative power, and you too have control of everything that happens in your life.  There might not be a rule book, and it may not be perfect for everyone, but as it is is perfect for me.

No Comments »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment