Into The Rabbit Hole

My mom just sent out an email, thanking everyone for their support and encouragement while she earned her degree.  She ended up getting a double major in marketing and business management.  She just finished her degree this week.  (I’m so proud of you, Mom!)

I’m *really* proud of her– she went back to college after more than two decades of being away from school.

I remember her dad telling me that not going to college right out of high school would make it impossible for me to go back to school again.  He made it sound like I was making the worst decision of my life to not go to college right away.

At this time in my life, I know he was completely wrong about that.  I knew that I wasn’t ready for college– neither financially nor in maturity.  I needed to experience life for what it is; I needed to know what it felt like to be laid off and to do whatever it was that I settled into without a formal education.  I needed the life experience to realize that what I want to do with my life is something more– something that I couldn’t just walk in off the street and manage to score. 

It was six years before I decided to go back to college.  And at that point, I decided that I might as well go for it one hundred percent.  I wasn’t going to go get my bachelors in psychology just to say I had the paper.  I knew that if I was going to do this, I was going for the big shebang, aiming for the biggest goal I could set my eyes upon.

I realize that this means an extraordinary amount of school ahead of me… especially considering that I still have yet to earn my bachelors.  I’m a junior and a half, merely seventeen credits away from being a senior, and here I am, working full time, taking one class at a time, eventually earning my bachelors; and then, once I finally reach that goal, I am going on to medical school, which is at minimum an additional six year commitment of my time and energy…  (and let me tell you, I will expend torrential amounts of energy on that!)

Sometimes I look ahead and I become discouraged because I know I’m getting older and yet this school thing will require so much more of my blood, sweat, and tears… I’m plugging forward in a pain-stakingly slow pace, just wanting to move forward, to move on, to hurry up and become a doctor.

I have a lot to inspire me, though, and I realize I really need to just take my time on this and do it right.  Sometimes it’s not smarts that gets you where you’re going, but perseverance. 

So in looking ahead, I know that it’s never too late to achieve my dreams. (Thank you for teaching me this, Mom!)  And in looking behind, I know that everything that’s led me to this place where I’m at now happened precisely as it should.  In looking at myself, right this minute, I can honestly say that everything I’m doing for myself RIGHT NOW is exactly as it should be.  Everything is as it is, and it is perfect.  Perfect.

I know that sometimes I get into too big of a hurry, and in putting energy into trying to get it done faster, when I’m already moving at the pace that is appropriate for me only makes me frustrated and encourages me to burn out.  I refuse to allow myself to stop.  I can’t stop, I have so much I want to achieve in this life.   I can’t pause because I realize that the momentum I have, albeit sluggish at times, is the very thing that directs me, that moves me forward, that satiates my hunger for the experience I’m giving myself right now.

If you haven’t already considered it, I encourage you to dream big for yourself.  It’s never too late to do the things you want to do in this life.