*spits*
*hiss*
*hair flying*
God I love hormones. They’re out of control. My skin has broken out, my emotions are all over the chart, and I want to kick and scream until I get my way, regardless of what my way might be.
In fact, I don’t know what my way could be, even!
Everything already goes my way.
Doesn’t matter. I want everything to worship my way. I want everything to acknowledge my supreme way-making skills.
And when that happens, I’ll feel uncomfortable because I really don’t need it to go my way any more than it already is.
I feel like I need to acknowledge my irrationality for what it is, rather than being all defensive about it. I constantly fear that people, especially my beloveds, will dislike me for being human/irrational/imperfect. Of course, it’s not something I would expect them to embrace, but it’s reasonable to expect them to not turn away from me or to not have to fear abandonment because I don’t feel good sometimes. (or we can replace “don’t feel good” with “am a complete irrational psychopath, “yunno, whatever).
Probably the most dramatic part of me being irrational is the feelings that come with the fear of being abandoned… it’s the insecurity of thinking “I’m behaving or thinking irrationally, and therefore people will quit liking me,” which makes me feel bad. Or worse. Or act like I’m needy and unloved. And those feelings of being needy or unloved are the ones that most dramatically affect my relationships. So it’s not so much that I *shouldn’t* be irrational sometimes as much as how I feel about me being “irrational” and which leads me to feel fearful of not being loved because of it.
Perhaps the best solution to my needy, insecure feelings is not to propose that I quit thinking irrationally. Rather, it seems more appropriate to focus on the behavior part: the needy, insecure behavior. If I accept that it’s okay to feel irrational some days, as long as I don’t allow my thoughts to create inappropriate behaviors, then that’s a start. I won’t have to feel guilty for thinking irrationally, instead I can just say, “Hey! That looks like an irrational thought to me!” and shrug it off as something that happens once a month. And because I know then, that it’s normal and okay to be crazy once a month (I am a woman after all, that’s what we’re known for!), and that I don’t have to worry about being abandoned for my craziness, then I can confidently accept myself for who I am and what I’m experiencing instead of making a huge production over it.
Yesh. This is what it is. It’s okay to think irrationally once a month. It’s okay to have my feelings all over the place. As long as I keep my behaviors in check and am not behaving in a way that is inappropriate, then I’m okay, and still loved. I don’t need to fear abandonment because I am experiencing hormones in an uncomfortable way.
Could this be the end of my pre-menstrual dysphoria disorder?
One Response to “Women are crazy: your monthly update on my menstrual cycle”
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:x 
:cry: 
8-) 
:wink:
June 29th, 2008 at 11:29 am
SO TRUE! I was a huge crazy psycho last night and this morning I want to cry about it. Ohhhh, thank you irrational once a week!