Into The Rabbit Hole

And just like that… I’m done!!

*dancing on the table tops*

I honestly don’t know how I did in all of my classes. I’m sure I’ll find out, sooner rather than later. The good news is that I turned in a considerably better paper for my organic chemistry lab than I was going to. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’d like to point out that no other laboratory classes had to write papers. But… maybe this experience is good for me now since I may be doing more of it *gasp* in my future.

My Organic Chemistry lab final was hellacious. Horrible. But I’m done with it. Now I know exactly what to expect and can be more prepared for my next semester. My final in O Chem lecture wasn’t horrible. I don’t know how I did, but there’s a probability of a C or a B in that class. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for B’s but not freak out if they’re both C’s. I doubt I was in any threat of not passing the classes, so therefore I’m going to say both O Chem classes are C’s or better. Heh. C’s. Grrrrr…. My Behavioral Neuroscience class is almost positively an A. The final wasn’t horrible, and my only weaknesses were things covered in a class I missed… one of the only classes I missed. All the rest was just recall. I loved that class. I think I’ll read that textbook again for fun. Human Development was certainly an ace, and that’s good because Psychology classes have always been such for me.

Phew. Decompression time. Today was extremely emotional for me. I had floaty highs and tearful lows. I know it’s just stress… and now it’s over. Now it’s time to just BE.

Good things are happening, though. I got a raise, I got approved for a loan, I am following my heart and dreams (both at the same time).

I had a suggestion posed to me today: that I think about one day working towards both my MD and my PhD at the same time. As crazy as that sounds, it’s a possibility. The MD/PhD program at CU is pretty stellar. I think it would mean significantly less debt at the end of this whole path for me… So, perhaps it would be worth it. I’ll discuss more with you all about this when I find out more information on it all!!

I can’t believe it’s all over. *letting out a long sigh* This semester has really been difficult for me. I almost lost myself in all of this nonsense that I call my life. It’s not really nonsense, though. It’s perfect, and it’s wonderful, and I’m doing everything I want with it. It just seems like nonsense when it seems like the only things I’m doing are working, going to class, riding the bus, homework, housework, and laundry. I need more than that. I need variety and I need people. Lots of people.

I’m forming friendships with people I work with now. Thank goddess for that! I spent a lot of time in one little room with only a few people, and those were the people I saw throughout my work time. Now I’m in an open area and I meet new people every day. My one particular friend happens to be a social butterfly, so every moment we run into someone, she’s introducing me to new people. I like that, a lot. I feel like I’m opening myself up a little more, taking risks with people I work with a little more… Being more real a little more. That’s huge for me. It’s really important to me that I present a professional facade at all times… I don’t want anything personal that I share to be used against me– which happens sometimes when you tell the wrong person the wrong things. But, I’m learning who I can trust, and taking risks with the people I’m uncertain with. It feels good to think that I might actually have the opportunity to work with people I consider friends. I’m very hesitant about that, but since I haven’t had a whole lot of free time to spend with my outside-of-work friends, it’ll do. Friendships are very high on my priority list. I just need to surround myself with people who are willing to remain friends with me even when they can’t see me all the time. That’s a good thing to put on my list.

I got more brownies again today. It’s like that one simple active attraction of brownies into my life was sufficient to keep the brownie flow coming. That’s pretty exciting, especially since they’re getting more and more yummy as time goes on.

My horoscope said something about getting a raise or promotion. I just read it a few days ago. www.astrologyzone.com is my favorite astrology website to go to… and look! I didn’t know how it was going to happen. In fact, I’m still not sure why it happened. But it did. I’m going to work on attracting more money my way. I definitely know how I’ll use it!!

What else… jebus, it’s been a while since I’ve had time to just write. I’m hoping that now that I have my nights back again, I will spend more of my evenings writing and spend less time at work thinking about it. All sorts of doors open up for me now that this semester is over. My aim is to get back to myself… back to my energetic, ecstatic, enthusiastic self. I realize this semester took a lot of my focus from me. Note to self: that was too much, and next time I have to make a decision about what I’m doing, I need to not get into such a hurry. I have much to say about this, but I’m going to have to leave that for another post.

I’ll leave you, now, with my closing thoughts: Focus on gracefulness… on centering yourself. When you’re in a huge hurry all the time, you end up flailing around like Bad Yoga Bob. Instead, be calm, thoughtful, and intentional.